Another Moment

[Wjames]

Lungs extend your body
hanging from a bar in the park
coloured hopscotch and birthday.

The chocolate cake on your tongue
is cool, freshly mown grass
in a slow breath.

The shoulder tweak and waning grip
place your feet on chipped wood.

Opening your eyes, your son's
playing tag in the field.

[dukealien]

Lungs extend your body
hanging from a bar in the park
coloured hopscotch and birthday.

The chocolate cake on your tongue
is cool, freshly mown grass
in a slow breath.

The shoulder tweak and waning grip
place your feet on chipped wood.

Opening your eyes, your son's
playing tag in the field.

This is delightful.  Thrown off a little by "tweak," know the feeling and it works by sight and sound, but then the dictionary kicks in and I'm momentarily confused.  It's a pinch, an incipient charley-horse,  probably rotator-cuff... can't think of a better word.  "Strain," but that lacks impact.  Good job.

[busker]

Lungs extend your body
hanging from a bar in the park
coloured hopscotch and birthday.

The chocolate cake on your tongue
is cool, freshly mown grass …. Love these two lines
in a slow breath.

The shoulder tweak and waning grip
place your feet on chipped wood. …. I like the detail of chipped wood 

Opening your eyes, your son's
playing tag in the field. …an unexpected and delightful merging of childhood dreaming with the present 

Lovely work

[rowens]

I'm simply going to play with your thingy, ok?


It might look weird, but at least it's getting proper attention.



Lungs extend 
your body
hanging
from a bar in the park coloured hopscotch and birthday.

The chocolate cake on your tongue is cool, 
freshly mown grass
in a slow breath.

The shoulder tweak and waning grip
place your feet on chipped wood.

Opening your eyes, 
your son's playing tag in the field.

[Wjames]

Thanks for reading and for your thoughts everyone.