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+--- Thread: Another Moment (/thread-25479.html)
Another Moment - Wjames - 02-16-2024
Lungs extend your body
hanging from a bar in the park
coloured hopscotch and birthday.
The chocolate cake on your tongue
is cool, freshly mown grass
in a slow breath.
The shoulder tweak and waning grip
place your feet on chipped wood.
Opening your eyes, your son's
playing tag in the field.
RE: Another Moment - dukealien - 02-16-2024
(02-16-2024, 03:56 PM)Wjames Wrote: Lungs extend your bodyThis is delightful. Thrown off a little by "tweak," know the feeling and it works by sight and sound, but then the dictionary kicks in and I'm momentarily confused. It's a pinch, an incipient charley-horse, probably rotator-cuff... can't think of a better word. "Strain," but that lacks impact. Good job.
hanging from a bar in the park
coloured hopscotch and birthday.
The chocolate cake on your tongue
is cool, freshly mown grass
in a slow breath.
The shoulder tweak and waning grip
place your feet on chipped wood.
Opening your eyes, your son's
playing tag in the field.
RE: Another Moment - busker - 02-17-2024
(02-16-2024, 03:56 PM)Wjames Wrote: Lungs extend your bodyLovely work
hanging from a bar in the park
coloured hopscotch and birthday.
The chocolate cake on your tongue
is cool, freshly mown grass …. Love these two lines
in a slow breath.
The shoulder tweak and waning grip
place your feet on chipped wood. …. I like the detail of chipped wood
Opening your eyes, your son's
playing tag in the field. …an unexpected and delightful merging of childhood dreaming with the present
RE: Another Moment - rowens - 02-19-2024
I'm simply going to play with your thingy, ok?
It might look weird, but at least it's getting proper attention.
Lungs extend
your body
hanging
from a bar in the park coloured hopscotch and birthday.
The chocolate cake on your tongue is cool,
freshly mown grass
in a slow breath.
The shoulder tweak and waning grip
place your feet on chipped wood.
Opening your eyes,
your son's playing tag in the field.
RE: Another Moment - Wjames - 02-22-2024
Thanks for reading and for your thoughts everyone.