Lungs extend your body
hanging from a bar in the park
coloured hopscotch and birthday.

The chocolate cake on your tongue
is cool, freshly mown grass
in a slow breath.

The shoulder tweak and waning grip
place your feet on chipped wood.

Opening your eyes, your son's
playing tag in the field.

(02-16-2024, 03:56 PM)Wjames Wrote:  Lungs extend your body
hanging from a bar in the park
coloured hopscotch and birthday.

The chocolate cake on your tongue
is cool, freshly mown grass
in a slow breath.

The shoulder tweak and waning grip
place your feet on chipped wood.

Opening your eyes, your son's
playing tag in the field.

This is delightful.  Thrown off a little by "tweak," know the feeling and it works by sight and sound, but then the dictionary kicks in and I'm momentarily confused.  It's a pinch, an incipient charley-horse,  probably rotator-cuff... can't think of a better word.  "Strain," but that lacks impact.  Good job.

(02-16-2024, 03:56 PM)Wjames Wrote:  Lungs extend your body
hanging from a bar in the park
coloured hopscotch and birthday.

The chocolate cake on your tongue
is cool, freshly mown grass …. Love these two lines
in a slow breath.

The shoulder tweak and waning grip
place your feet on chipped wood. …. I like the detail of chipped wood 

Opening your eyes, your son's
playing tag in the field. …an unexpected and delightful merging of childhood dreaming with the present 

Lovely work

I'm simply going to play with your thingy, ok?


It might look weird, but at least it's getting proper attention.



Lungs extend 
your body
hanging
from a bar in the park coloured hopscotch and birthday.

The chocolate cake on your tongue is cool, 
freshly mown grass
in a slow breath.

The shoulder tweak and waning grip
place your feet on chipped wood.

Opening your eyes, 
your son's playing tag in the field.

Thanks for reading and for your thoughts everyone.