Dreams

[Kurtzzz16]

Dreams are letters not yet spoken
Making every word brighter.
With no line being broken,
Like the waves of an ocean,
The pages come together.
But even now I will say
With words from any diver,
In an ocean you are prey
If you want to be a writer.

[PoetryAndPhysics]

Hi Kurtzzz16. The problem for me is that there’s not really anything specific here. Just abstract connections between dreams and letters, words, lines, and the ocean. Yes, I do get what you’re saying (I think… dreams are the things in the background that brighten everything up, yes?). I also like the connection between an unbroken line on a page and a wave marching rank and file through the ocean, good image. But with a topic as broad as dreams, the best thing to do is to hide away the (ostensibly inevitable) abstractions as best you can.

Also, I’d stay away from first person (not as a rule, but I think it would’ve been better here). And if you want to keep the end rhymes, maybe add some spacing (and don't have three of the same ones back to back...spoken, broken, ocean).

All that being said, I completely and utterly sympathize with the last two lines. So don’t take my words too seriously, I’d wait for someone more experienced to comment. Thanks for the read

Gary

[Truerenigma]

I like the metaphors. It's not bad actually. I think you could do a little more with the ocean though, I love the ocean, I've live on the ocean most of my life and when i read about it i wasn't to feel the see spray, see the white crest atop the deep blue breakers, the way way a heavy wind curls back the waves. Yeah, writing is tough, but for some of us it's with the agony, maybe add a positive side here, something about the fulfillment of writing.

[tectak]

Dreams are letters not yet spoken
Making every word brighter.
With no line being broken,
Like the waves of an ocean,
The pages come together.
But even now I will say
With words from any diver,
In an ocean you are prey
If you want to be a writer.

[b] Or....
Dreams are letters not yet spoken;
making every word brighter, with no line being broken.
Like the waves of an ocean,the pages come together;
with conviction I say, using words of a diver,
in an ocean you're prey ....if you would be a writer.

The ryhmes are still crap but what can one do.
I've said what I think and I'm Whinney-the-Pooh.

Best,
tectak