Descent from the Cross (Happy Easter)

[softlyfalling]

Acute was his agony, blood on a rose.
Acute the temptation of his mind.
His ruined hands cradle salvation for those
who designed his diadem unkind.
But, his wisdom’s source cannot be owned,
nor can the tomb he shelters in-
both diminish him to flesh and bone
which he will requite to heaven again.

(no proselytizing intentions here...my own faith is eclectic but I believe all faiths are essentially integral)

edit:
Acute was his agony, blood on a rose.
Acute the temptation of his mind.
His ruined hands cradle salvation for those
who designed his diadem unkind.
His wisdom’s source can never be owned,
nor can the tomb he shelters in-
both diminish him to flesh and bone
which he will requite to heaven again.

[Culture]

Nice job i enjoyed reading that. If you won't mind i would also like you to give me a few pointer on my poem which is on the "Novice Poet and Critic" it is called Life, My life thread thank you

[C.M.C.]

Wow... I aren't az smarter than you. But I have to be honest. I looked up three of the words you used (two weren't even in the poem lol) I like the poem. It's awesome that you have such a broad vocabulary, and I am definitely envious of it. Keep up the writing!

[Todd]

Hi Amy,

Nice Easter Poem. I like some of the light touches you added.

Acute was his agony, blood on a rose.--Rose of Sharon, nice. It also ties in with the crown of thorns
Acute the temptation of his mind.--tempted in all things
His ruined hands cradle salvation for those--like the image and phrasing
who designed his diadem unkind.--crown of thorns
But, his wisdom’s source cannot be owned,
nor can the tomb he shelters in-
both diminish him to flesh and bone
which he will requite to heaven again.--these lines are where you transcend simple retelling. My only suggestion which is probably nothing more than a preference on my part is to cut the final line and end on flesh and bone which feels much stronger.

(no proselytizing intentions here...my own faith is eclectic but I believe all faiths are essentially integral)

Either way I enjoyed it.

Best,

Todd

[softlyfalling]

Hi Amy,

Nice Easter Poem. I like some of the light touches you added.

Acute was his agony, blood on a rose.--Rose of Sharon, nice. It also ties in with the crown of thorns
Acute the temptation of his mind.--tempted in all things
His ruined hands cradle salvation for those--like the image and phrasing
who designed his diadem unkind.--crown of thorns
But, his wisdom’s source cannot be owned,
nor can the tomb he shelters in-
both diminish him to flesh and bone
which he will requite to heaven again.--these lines are where you transcend simple retelling. My only suggestion which is probably nothing more than a preference on my part is to cut the final line and end on flesh and bone which feels much stronger.

(no proselytizing intentions here...my own faith is eclectic but I believe all faiths are essentially integral)

Either way I enjoyed it.

Best,

Todd

Are you certain? I was thinking that the penultimate line was analogous to the death of Christ and the final line was analogous to the resurrection and ascension. If you can please comment on that before i make and edit, i would appreciate it very much.

[Todd]

Just an opinion here, but I thought the "nor" and the context implied the possibility of resurrection. The last line struck me as more Acts 1 ascension.

Again, just my read.

[softlyfalling]

Just an opinion here, but I thought the "nor" and the context implied the possibility of resurrection. The last line struck me as more Acts 1 ascension.

Again, just my read.

Well...yes, I suppose they did. The last two lines are a realization, in my mind, however. Perhaps because i struggle to embrace the dogma, I feel the need to concretize here. Thank you so much for the way you always help me understand my own poems so much better.

[cidermaid]

Hi softly,
late again to the party!
I thought this a timely and beautifully done poem.

I have read all of the thread and just to be helpfully on the fence, semi agree with Todd. For me the small ? is over the use of the "but" in the line before. I read His wisdom's source cannot be owned as the Acts release of the Holy Spirit (this being the third person of god who is present on the earth with us but not for us to (try and) control or kill as we did Jesus...we (mankind) tried to own him). I then read the next line in light of the valley of dry bones from Ezekiel. In that the fulfilment has come (to those for whom salvation has been designed) and i entirly do take your last lines as being analogous to the resurrection and ascension of Christ after his death. ...returning to the "But" this caused the stumble in my thinking because i felt it implied a conditioner on salvation.

Hmm... it is always difficult this interpretation thing.

AJ.

[softlyfalling]

Hi softly,
late again to the party!
I thought this a timely and beautifully done poem.

I have read all of the thread and just to be helpfully on the fence, semi agree with Todd. For me the small ? is over the use of the "but" in the line before. I read His wisdom's source cannot be owned as the Acts release of the Holy Spirit (this being the third person of god who is present on the earth with us but not for us to (try and) control or kill as we did Jesus...we (mankind) tried to own him). I then read the next line in light of the valley of dry bones from Ezekiel. In that the fulfilment has come (to those for whom salvation has been designed) and i entirly do take your last lines as being analogous to the resurrection and ascension of Christ after his death. ...returning to the "But" this caused the stumble in my thinking because i felt it implied a conditioner on salvation.

Hmm... it is always difficult this interpretation thing.

AJ.

I butted the "but" LOLOL
Thank you, in all seriousness.
This forum is the perfect synthesis of intelligent honesty and caring community. I am just happy I stumbled across it.