02-27-2013, 08:11 PM
Cold as ice
Chill
Equality
Chill
Equality
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On the slab
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02-27-2013, 11:42 PM
this is cool little number. it fills the rquirements for a senryu and shows you don't always need a 5,7,5 formay. i'd remove the title and just call it a senryu.
02-28-2013, 03:07 AM
Not so sure about the idea of removing the title. Think it might lack definition without.
Would chill just read as a repetition if was not thinking of a corps? Just my thoughts. Liked the brevity. AJ 
03-01-2013, 05:27 AM
Chilled rather than chill would form a link with equality or not just a suggestion, title could be seen as a cheat but this one adds to the poem's set up and since your not conforming anyway then who cares, I like it.
If your undies fer you've been smoking through em, don't peg em out 
03-03-2013, 07:53 AM
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