And so we are
#1
Butter churns, ice melts
to flowing water, all
hearts are made of flesh.
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#2
(02-22-2013, 04:41 AM)Jae Mc Donnell Wrote:  Butter churns, ice melts
to flowing water, all
hearts are made of flesh.

I really enjoyed the meaning in the last line and the imagery you chose. You didn't need the middle line though. 'Ice melts' was enough to evoke the idea of water, so the second line becomes repetitive. I'd play with the middle line.

Flesh. I like that word. It's meaty, isn't it?
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#3
Quote:I really enjoyed the meaning in the last line and the imagery you chose. You didn't need the middle line though. 'Ice melts' was enough to evoke the idea of water, so the second line becomes repetitive. I'd play with the middle line.

Flesh. I like that word. It's meaty, isn't it?
Thanks for the read. And I see waht you mean. I will take a look at that line
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