Poem I

[LeCoeurNoir]

The thickest fog
Is clearly seen
But only lightly felt

The breath mists up
On broken pane
Until the ices melt

[Leanne]

This has a lovely philosophical feel to it, and you have a good sense of meter. You might consider "panes" instead of "pane" to smooth over that small grammatical bump that's left when you leave out an article.

Although this does work as a complete poem, it would probably serve even better as the introduction to a more specific scenario, something about relationships perhaps.

I look forward to reading more of your work.

[Todd]

Hi, welcome to the site!

I like this poem of yours. Here are some comments for you. This desperately needs a title to guide it. For instance think if the fog was the ambiguity of feelings for another person. Title: Infatuation

Only one possible way of many.

Read especially S2 in that light. Titles add resonance. You could still cut some words here and there, but the title is the main thing.

Oh minor typos I think, in S2 panes plural, and ice melts.

Again welcome,

Todd

The thickest fog
Is clearly seen
But only lightly felt

The breath mists up
On broken pane
Until the ices melt

[billy]

it's worthy of a title, a title can add depth to a short poem. oh btw, hi and welcome ices makes it feel like there's more than one ice, a suggestion would be 'until the ice must melt' it's a solid short poem with lots of scope to be enlarged two nice snapshots. thanks for the read.

[2onthemap]

The thickest fog
Is clearly seen
But only lightly felt

The breath mists up
On broken pane
Until the ices melt

I don't think the poem needs to be expanded, I feel it's complete, just add the fixes that Todd mentioned and maybe use the word 'frost' instead of 'ice'

I enjoyed it. A fun poem

[serge gurkski]

Enjoyed! I see what Leanne means: panes for grammar. Title would be good too.

cheers serge