Talking dogs

[serge gurkski]

Night pissed its usual anger down on me.
Don't get pathetic now: it
simply rained and I was waiting
in front of the store with leaky awning.
Out of smokes, beer-guzzling.
Waiting!

Eventually still in time,
howsoever, they made it, they
entered leaving me with the dogs.
Knew the two big black sissies,
better: they know me. Kept them
still. (Almost) no sweat, But for the little one!
would you believe it?  She yapped her
tiny lungs out at that giant Saint Bernard.

Both of them tied he slowly started to growl
and my two New Found lander-ly ladies got
nervous.  Furious to defend her lil sis.
Women! Needless to say, I had my fun.

Needless to say, because all my neighbors
say and my girlfriend too and even people,
who don't know me at all: He needs a dog,

I asked: could I get it, the small ruffy?
My friends, proud owners, shyly looked away
and told me: we've just given her away to
a guy we know, to be  released next week.

[billy]

my only problem was the wording in the beginning of the 2nd stanza. the first two lines felt a bit of a mouthful.
my nits are, a bit wordy in a few places and a bit of grammar fixing.

Women! Needless to say, I had my fun.

Needless to say, because all my neigbors
say three says in two and bit lines, (neighbors/neighbours)

as for the content, it was enjoyable and fun with lots to like.

thanks for the read and welcome to the site

[serge gurkski]

right about the mouthful of course. thank you for reading. ;-)
the neighbo-u-r. are we British here? No problem. Just tell me.

I ll work on this. It just happenedin a minute (obviously).

cheers
Serge

[billy]

right about the mouthful of course. thank you for reading. ;-)
the neighbo-u-r. are we British here? No problem. Just tell me.

I ll work on this. It just happenedin a minute (obviously).

cheers
Serge

yeah but you can post american english as well....is neigbors american english? or is there a 'h' missing

[Keith]

Hi Serge and welcome, I enjoyed this poem, I have a dog who yaps at everything so I connected well with this, I like the way you put over the standing around unable to enter shops, a pet hate of mine, no pun intended. Thanks for the read. Keith

[serge gurkski]

hi joatmon.
you are probably right. Bill's criticism above about wordiness and your's bout using the colloquial are both substantiated. While I don't think I will change this one, I could try to write a purer version of it.
My little text reflects a street scene from last night and my justification for writing as we talked (and thought, and felt). There is however a core in it, something that could be put in a nutshell.
Here it could be: want dog / they suck / but humans more.

cheers and thank you for looking into this :-) Serge

---

Hello Keith,
thank you for reading. If they just would not die that soon, I would rather prefer to be a dog, medium sized and awesomely good looking to the "bitches" (dog talk for "ladies"). ;-)

How does a dog bark in England? Wooff?

cheers
Serge

---

Thank you Hollylove,
matter of fact is I like it here. Dogs have no feelings for the lofty, the Wolkenkuckucksheim. I won't start to misspell the Aristophanian word here. ;-)

kisses
serge

[serge gurkski]

right about the mouthful of course. thank you for reading. ;-)
the neighbo-u-r. are we British here? No problem. Just tell me.

I ll work on this. It just happenedin a minute (obviously).

cheers
Serge

yeah but you can post american english as well....is neigbors american english? or is there a 'h' missing

No, the missing H is Gurkskish. Will fix it. Thanks for the hint. ;-)

[winterborn]

I really liked the opening line of this, it set the scene and drew me in immediately - and the conversational tone of the rest of the first stanza was a great follow-on.

Although, did you mean "out of smokes" plural? The plural makes me think of cigarettes, whereas just "out of smoke" doesn't make sense to me (I could just be not understanding it though!).

I don't think the "howsoever" is necessary in the second line of the second stanza - but I do like the "almost" in parentheses, it works really well as an aside

The end of this is a little disappointing (not in style, don't get me wrong) - I wanted the brave little dog to go home with the person in your poem!

Overall, this is a nice piece, the interaction between the dogs made it interesting

[serge gurkski]

Thank you for reading, winterborn, and the comments.
I fixed smoke-s.

Hm :the end. This is a real life piece and the end frustrated me too.
What can you do? ;-)

cheers
serge