Hues

[slecht]

[Image: http://40.media.tumblr.com/ef0f97a38c2a5...o1_500.jpg]

''Hues''

She was red. I was blue.
We were different hues.
Different views.
The friction grew,
The addiction too,
Which we didn't know our limits too.

She was a Dark Red, afraid of her surroundings.
I was a Carolina Blue.
Full energy and always kept pounding.
The fiery latina attitude matched her shade of Flame.
While I was true blue - Honesty and Loyalty was my main game.

Sometimes she was a  Lust red, and we felt the passion together
Especially when I showed her steel blue.
I felt stronger than ever.
I wanted to reveal my Royal Blue. Show her my definition of love.
Embracing her Maroon while reminding her she will be loved.

I always made sure to communicate, even when I was teal.
But she remained oxblood, her pride kept her from keeping it real.
A dark cloud in my sky blue front.
Her feelings were Crimson - all tide up.

[Weeded]

[Image: http://40.media.tumblr.com/ef0f97a38c2a5...o1_500.jpg]

''Hues''

She was red. I was blue. I guess my first question would be why is she red and narrator blue? To just say because you're different or to convey opposites doesnt seem to be enough here.
We were different hues.
Different views.
The friction grew, as colors, I don't personally think there's a friction to red and blue(unless they're on bandanas), they're actually complimentary. A frictional relationship between colors would be like blue/orange or green/red. But even these can be complimentary, depending on tone.
The addiction too, I dont understand what the addiction is but it doesnt go with the central metaphor either. Perhaps take this line out.
Which we didn't know our limits too. *to.

She was a Dark Red, afraid of her surroundings.
I was a Carolina Blue. I'm curious as to why you chose a very specific 'carolina blue' to match with a very generic 'dark red,' maybe take the caps off them too, remove the period here and take the caps off 'full' as well.
Full energy and always kept pounding.
The fiery latina attitude matched her shade of Flame. Hm idk about 'shade of Flame,' or why 'true blue' is not capitalized like the others. I would drop all the caps in this poem besides the ones after sentences, tbh tho
While I was true blue - Honesty and Loyalty was my main game.

Sometimes she was a  Lust red, and we felt the passion together
Especially when I showed her steel blue.
I felt stronger than ever.
I wanted to reveal my Royal Blue. Show her my definition of love.
Embracing her Maroon while reminding her she will be loved.

I always made sure to communicate, even when I was teal.
But she remained oxblood, her pride kept her from keeping it real.
A dark cloud in my sky blue front.
Her feelings were Crimson - all tide up.

Hey Slecht, I left some notes for you, I tried to get through this one but couldn't completely. I like some of your wordplay but I think you had your work cut out for you on this one. There's only so many ways to effectively pull off the red/blue metaphor and I think just about most ways have already been said good luck
mike

[RiverNotch]

Picture introduces the theme just as well as, well, every single line here that very very clearly states whose color was what. It's unnecessary.
''Hues'' Never liked stating a title like this, unless the quote marks were super-small; would prefer a bold, or my favorite, allcaps, since a title can actually be a quote.

She was red. I was blue.
We were different hues.
Different views.
The friction grew,
The addiction too,
Which we didn't know our limits too. Yes, should be to.

She was a Dark Red, afraid of her surroundings.
I was a Carolina Blue. At first I thought this was alcohol, but then Dark Red did feel too generic, and "afraid of her surroundings".....for dark red?
Full energy and always kept pounding. Fragment -- worse, a bland and ineffective one.
The fiery latina attitude matched her shade of Flame. Irked by the stereotype -- if you're gonna use stereotypes in a poem, don't just throw it in, actually play with it. It's a stereotype, not an archetype or a, well, proper allusion.
While I was true blue - Honesty and Loyalty was my main game. Fragment, and one that would work better if connected to its true self -- remove the cap, comma the earlier. Why is true blue not capped -- better question, why cap the fairly bland selection of colors? And the virtues? The meaning doesn't jump out -- and since I've been mulling on this for quite a bit, doesn't step in with analysis, too.

Sometimes she was a  Lust red, and we felt the passion together 
Especially when I showed her steel blue. Meh. Is the steel blue the speaker's penis?
I felt stronger than ever.
I wanted to reveal my Royal Blue. Show her my definition of love.
Embracing her Maroon while reminding her she will be loved. Good grief, you don't have to say the color's name twice every stanza! We get it.

I always made sure to communicate, even when I was teal.
But she remained oxblood, her pride kept her from keeping it real. Of course the rhyme I didn't predict, but it only made me face-palm. "Oxblood" is a step forward, even if it's still just another color -- ox's blood. Mmmm
A dark cloud in my sky blue front.
Her feelings were Crimson - all tide up. Another face-palm worthy play. See, if the rest of the stuff was powerful, or heck, vivid enough, this would be kinda neat, but in general, you just said the color over and over (and not repeated it in a clever way, one banking on multiple meanings, puns, or even sound-plays), not really showed it.

[mlund]

[Image: http://40.media.tumblr.com/ef0f97a38c2a5...o1_500.jpg]

''Hues''

She was red. I was blue.
We were different hues.
Different views.
The friction grew,
The addiction too,
Which we didn't know our limits too.Im not sure if your meant to use"too" but I think "to" would work better conceptually

She was a Dark Red, afraid of her surroundings.
I was a Carolina Blue.
Full energy and always kept pounding.
The fiery latina attitude matched her shade of Flame.It does not make sense to me how she can be timid and fiery at the same time
While I was true blue - Honesty and Loyalty was my main game.If you are going to capitalize the colors in order to draw attention to their meaning, stay consistent with it throughout the whole poem

Sometimes she was a  Lust red, and we felt the passion together
Especially when I showed her steel blue.
I felt stronger than ever.
I wanted to reveal my Royal Blue. Show her my definition of love.
Embracing her Maroon while reminding her she will be loved.This line is a very good play on ideas/words

I always made sure to communicate, even when I was teal.
But she remained oxblood, her pride kept her from keeping it real.
A dark cloud in my sky blue front.
Her feelings were Crimson - all tide up.The tempo and rhythm changes drastically throughout-it goes from fast and staccato to slower with longer lines. Maybe try to keep it more consistent to make it easier to read.

I was very excited when I starred reading this poem-the first stanza was great. But after that it became awkward, and forced. Your metaphors did not flow as easily and many did not even make sense. It was a great idea that could be reconciled with a little more thought and attention.