Numb

[i.might.be.a.bit.sad]

{thanks to billy, I came to my senses and deleted a line and an endnote. Thanks!}
My head is full of cotton.
Not light and fluffy, with blue sky shining through,
or clumped and stained red, from the labor it took to harvest.

No.
It is…

What?

Wet maybe? Gray and musty and
smelling of wet sheep.

What does wet cotton smell like?

Maybe my head is full of wool.
There are no hidden pieces of wisdom or poetic…whatever.
I just woke up,
and I am tired.

[billy]

it's like a train of thought poem where you just right what's in your mind.

usually they're best cleaned up a bit. i think the first line is cliche but it's made worthwhile by the second line.

the ending works for me, the poems does read as a piece of fluff yet not in too bad a way.  the footer sort of spoils for me, there's not to unravel no insights to see, why not just call the poem spur or spur of the moment or something else instead of a complete erasing with a footnote, i dare say other will like the footnote but for me it kills the poem and the moment of it.

My head is full of cotton.
Not light and fluffy, with blue sky shining through,
or clumped and stained red, from the labor it took to harvest
(Jesus that image sucks).  is this line needed? if you think it sucks the reader may well ask why post it knowing it sucks?

No. no what, it didn't suck,
It is…

What?

Wet maybe? Gray and drab and
smelling of wet sheep. i like the image of the couplet though i think grey and drab is a bit cliche and could be better stated.

What does wet cotton smell like?

Maybe my head is full of wool.
There are no hidden pieces of wisdom or poetic…whatever.
I just woke up,
and I am tired.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I am just trying to describe what I am feeling right now, so that is probably why this is quite possibly the least poetic poem ever written. This is what it feels like to be so under it all, so depressed, that you can't even think.

[John]

Hi,

Your last two lines sum up this piece, but I fail to see what's in it for the reader. So you've just woken up - we all feel like that. It's pure joyless disjointed introspection.

On two occasions you've used ellipses as if to continue some profound thought, and then cut it dead with What? and whatever. And whatever is a massive cop-out from having to continue the thought (tiredness not being an excuse.)

Having said that, you've got some interesting imagery. You've allowed me to imagine bloodied hands in a cotton-picking machine, and I know what wet sheep smell like. All evocative.

In fact, your imagery is such that it may work far better as observation and description of aspects of life, as opposed to introversion. I want to enjoy poetry, be moved, be made to think, be incited to write, to read. I don't want to be trapped in someone's head as they're waking up.  

Hope some of the above is of use.

Cheers

[peacejazzspirit]

{thanks to billy, I came to my senses and deleted a line and an endnote. Thanks!}
My head is full of cotton.
Not light and fluffy, with blue sky shining through,
or clumped and stained red, from the labor it took to harvest.

No.
It is…

What?

Wet maybe? Gray and musty and
smelling of wet sheep.

What does wet cotton smell like?

Maybe my head is full of wool.
There are no hidden pieces of wisdom or poetic…whatever.
I just woke up,
and I am tired.

I would take out the "whatever". It ruins the opportunity for the reader to expand upon that line. Before, when you interrupted your thought with an ellipsis followed by "What?", then proceeded to question your own interpretation of the wool, that gave the reader the opportunity to make their own interpretation of what the wool was like. I think the poem would have more of an impact if you used this approach in the line containing the second ellipsis. But I'm a novice, heed my advice with caution; this is just how I interpret the poem.