A Broken Mirror

[Todd]

I think there's a lot of repetition that doesn't serve the piece. If your title is A Broken Mirror for instance your first line is unnecessary. There are a lot of areas we could touch on, but let's start with eliminating as much as possible that still allows for content and tone and see what you have left. Take it down to the bones and see what must be there. I think you have a lot of overwriting going on.

Just thoughts.

Best,

Todd

It is actually an old piece. Let's see how you can help me improve it.

A Broken Mirror
A mirror got broken,
With music playing so loud " they
never found out
The mirror lay broken, in corner of
that deserted
room
The party went on,
They happily sang and joked,
Talked of exciting things and joyous
events,
The lights made their faces glow,
their hearts
merry and bright
The mixed sounds of instruments
being played,
Suppressed chuckles, expressive
laughter,
And even screams of ecstasy and joy,
Ran through their ears to their minds
As if washing off their memories,
Making them forget, things that
must always be
remembered.
Their senses must have gone
numb,like their
sensibilities,
As the party went on, and they still
didn’t care to
find out
That with the music playing so loud,
Were they being kept from hearing,
Sounds of things being broken,
being destroyed,
Like the mirror that lay shattered,
On the floor of a room just nearby.