An Effort Unnoticed

[danny_]

hart should be spelled heart, unless i'm missing something.
i liked the last line, "i am; no more" expressing that you feel you merely exist without any life or spirit left in you. it's not quite the same sort of language the rest of the poem is, though.

there are quite a few cliches (i've been guilty of that myself). but you're on the right track.

check over for grammar and spelling. "speed crossed" could maybe be "speed across". don't say "2" say "two"

i would reveal more specifically about what the effort was, and who it was unnoticed by. "show" more instead of "tell". you did use some imagery and that's definitely good. still, the poem would be more impacting if it were not just a telling of how you feel. if you change it, keep the original to look back on later and see how your work has improved.

This is a dark poem from when I was in a dark time.

AN EFFORT UNNOTICED

I put my hart on the line
For love and comfort I do pine
All I can muster
But just to a fluster

Every effort I put to the sky
Wiped away in the bank of an eye
My Hart, and mind, and body and more
All, just thrown to the floor

All I have is good intention
But all is failed to mention
To the bone my hands I do work
Only in return a smirk

2 torpedoes speed crossed
Both ships are tossed
2 wrongs does not make it right
All mixed up in a fight

My ship is going down
My hart it does pound
At first hard and fast
Now all in the past

Deeper I go
My hart begins to slow
More and more
Darker and darker

Till all is still
All is silent
No more will
No more fight

The fire gone from my eyes
The flames no more to burn
No more dreams
No more hope

I am; No more