Kinesics (Edit 1,5)

[tectak]

I notice how you struggle to turn on any one Not the usual description for making a lighter work. "...struggle to ignite any one.." but it is obviously avoidance of light/lighter
of your many worn out lighters,
clicking them unconsciously
in 4/4s - this dash does nothing
or 7/8s
when you're angry,
and only anger can tame you. not clear. Do you mean only the release of anger can tame you?

I see the vague tremble on your dry lips, You could lose one of the modifiers in this line.
and the twitches
in the corners of your shiny eyes,
when you try to hide your sadness
under cliches
or stiff, smooth talking. The line breaks add nothing to your words...in fact, if you feel the the need to use line breaks as a poetic device you may reconsider the wisdom of this as is.

I've learned what they mean:
the small tics around your dimples
when they appear as you smile,
telling me one of your little
white lies. Great observation now becoming diminished by the line breaks. Random almost

I watch as you twirl and twirl around,
the motion lifting your skirt
just above your hips - Again the dash. Why is it here?
and you float
lightly across the floor,
mirroring bright eyes
to illuminate mine. I do not know what all this mirroring and illuminating is about. I get a dire feeling I have missed a very obscure point...that should not bother me except when wearing the crit-cap. So it does. See end

Hi vol,
Only rarely do I find it more important to comment on the cameo rather than on the correctness, as I see it, of the execution. I have read and reread this piece hoping to get in to the psyche of the character but something pushes me out. I think I know what it is. There is a dark thread of confused sexuality in the weave. I cannot "get" the relationship between the first and third party established. Please note that I am commenting ON THE POEM when I ask if this is a lesbian lover's lament?
The cigarette lighter flicking generates a masculine image in my mind so that the swirling skirt came as an interesting twist.
If I am wrong I cannot excuse my interpretation as it is what it is. Does it affect the poetry? No, I think not, but it may be more potent to clarify which way this one hangs by intent rather than by innuendo...deliberate or not.
Best,
tectak