3rd

[Todd]

Hi aaron,

This is pretty cool. I don't fully understand what job's in mind but I like this. A few comments for you:

I know I'm probably off here but I get the sense of someone going to work

I'd better get used
to this dark
day murdered
before we were acquainted--Really nice line breaks in this strophe. It sets up a lot of nice layered meanings.

descending stairs
When will the rain clear?
There's no clouds--this is a clever sequence. The question about the rain yet there are no clouds is really nice. The trick with this one is trying to interpret the setting. I get the sense that the speaker has moved underground. Like a sewer system or something. If it wasn't for the fork trucks later I'd be getting an in space sci-fi vibe. I also thought about a submarine.
the sun set
minutes--just hours

after I woke
upside down, dormant--this made me think of no gravity.
waiting for the world to stop
then I'll make my move

Grey metal clanging
specifically shaped and placed
various shades of grey--I like this repetition of gray. Shaped and placed makes me think of explosives. I'm having issues with clarity though that doesn't have to be your fault.
forktrucks fly by
yellow guard rails

midnight mundane
country music radio
malicious sadness--beautiful love this
blasting three times a night

work isn't so bad after
all it's only
a dead
end

Aaron, I enjoyed the read. I'll give it some more thought. Currently I'm all over the place as to setting (factory, submarine, etc).

Best,

Todd