3rd shift

[aaron]

i better get used
to this darkness
day murdered
before i got acquainted

Descending stairs,
when will the rain clear?
there's no clowds
the sun set
minutes-- just hours

after i woke
upside down, dormant
waiting for the world to stop
then I'll make my move

[billy]

i better get used
to this darkness would dark sound better and feel more ominous?
day murdered
before i got acquainted

Descending stairs,
when will the rain clear?
there's no clowds clowns, clouds or crowds...i figured clouds
the sun set
minutes-- just hours

after i woke
upside down, dormant
waiting for the world to stop
then I'll make my move

the title made me think of the evening shift at a place of employment, but the last stanza threw me a curve ball. it made me think of bats. my suggestion is trying to make it so the reader understands the poem as well as you do. often we forget that the reader doesn't see the thing with our eyes..

thanks for the read.
please don't forget to leave some feedback on someone elses poetry.

[cidermaid]

I think I got the same image of Billy initially and my final conclusion was that i thought it was the mind re-ordering itself after perhaps a car crash. But I agree with Billy here I was left puzzled after reading and could not get into it.
For me the 2nd stanza needs to take my thoughts into a more definate place before the final stanza.

I liked the first stanza in that it grabbed my attention.

Thanks for the read.