Wilt

When I write I very rarely
feel something, something
attached to the words,
something with teeth that
grazes my skin just barely,
leaving only a note of a
place or a time.

Braids

Trailing along in pretty
ribbons. Sometimes they
take me, the rest just
seem to be.

Incision

But a few, a few touch me
there. The others are just one-
night-stands and I honestly
couldn't tell you their names.

this in serious so i'll try and be be honestly critical.

(05-30-2011, 04:35 PM)jadielue Wrote:  Wilt

When I write I very rarely
feel something, something
attached to the words,
something with teeth that
grazes my skin just barely,
leaving only a note of a
place or a time. the 1st verse feels true, i suppose i could even call it a truism for the best part of what i write, so i feel a kind of affinity with it.

Braids

Trailing along in pretty
ribbons. Sometimes they
take me, the rest just
seem to be. i'm not sure what the braids are though i'd like to think them trails that intertwine within a poem. i would call this verse a definite braid.

Incision

But a few, a few touch me
there. The others are just one-
night-stands and I honestly
couldn't tell you their names.
again i feel an affinity with the incision, the anne grey poem i did touched me,

i can't see anything i'd change about the poem, i'll admit i struggled some with it. but it wasn't long before i felt and saw the insight of it (i think)
seriously, i could see myself writing and remember that i felt the same way with different poems i wrote, i love the incision line because some ( a very few) do actually cut us, (metaphorically speaking)

i really wish i could find something to help imorve it but i can't, sorry

thanks for the read, (jmo, i think it publishable)

Thank you, Billy.

(05-30-2011, 04:35 PM)jadielue Wrote:  Wilt

When I write I very rarely
feel something, something
attached to the words,
something with teeth that
grazes my skin just barely,
leaving only a note of a
place or a time. this is a lovely way of putting it. This verse is pretty much perfect

Braids

Trailing along in pretty
ribbons. Sometimes they
take me, the rest just
seem to be. This one is a bit more vague, but I think I get the sense of whimsy in it

Incision

But a few, a few touch me
there. Nicely doneThe others are just one-
night-stands and I honestly
couldn't tell you their names.

One of your best poems jadielue. A great take on the ideas / feelings that come when writing. Great stuff

Thanks so much, Addy. Yes, the Braids one is a bit transparent but it does has substance, whether is be mist, it is. Glad you enjoyed it.