Chasing vodka with cigarettes.
#1
I'm feeling murderous.

You let me become your mistake.

And I guess I'm so full of rage
because I'm bothering to be a good person--

but I'm not.
And you, you're definitely not.
In that way, we're perfect for each other.
I'll be there in a minute.
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#2
it reminds me of a dame in a micky spillain novel Smile
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#3
(04-11-2013, 07:44 AM)billy Wrote:  it reminds me of a dame in a micky spillain novel Smile

Indeed! :-)
and it's elegant and dark and blue and sexy, too.

wow! ;-)
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#4
I'd make for a great villain in a crime novel.
I'll be there in a minute.
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#5
with cigarette holder and black long satin gloves.
It was the vodka that gave it away.
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#6
[Image: alcohol.jpg]
I'll be there in a minute.
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#7
(04-11-2013, 10:54 AM)newsclippings Wrote:  [Image: alcohol.jpg]


Dinner, that's good!
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#8
It gets to a good point. Your poems are happenings, they're fast and moving away.

What bothers me is that I feel bad when I'm trying to be a good person, and the other person isn't; so I'm at a disadvantage. And then when I stop being a good person, because they're not; they still hold me up to standards that neither of us can hold given the bullshit circumstances. So I'm always at a disadvantage.

So the only way anything can get done is if you're a bad person from the start. That way, there's no expectation.

I think good people only have happy love lives by pure luck. The people that get the most love are monsters. I'm a monster, but I'm a freak monster. When I try to be a good person, people are shocked and run away in confusion.

Anyway, that's what I felt and thought after reading this short poem.
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#9
Like this a lot! Love the title, must agree with Billy, this is a great start for a good paperback.
cheers!
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#10
(04-11-2013, 11:29 PM)rowens Wrote:  It gets to a good point. Your poems are happenings, they're fast and moving away.

What bothers me is that I feel bad when I'm trying to be a good person, and the other person isn't; so I'm at a disadvantage. And then when I stop being a good person, because they're not; they still hold me up to standards that neither of us can hold given the bullshit circumstances. So I'm always at a disadvantage.

So the only way anything can get done is if you're a bad person from the start. That way, there's no expectation.

I think good people only have happy love lives by pure luck. The people that get the most love are monsters. I'm a monster, but I'm a freak monster. When I try to be a good person, people are shocked and run away in confusion.

Anyway, that's what I felt and thought after reading this short poem.

I was good at first, then I tried not to give a damn, but it didn't work. So I went back into trying to be a respectable person so I didn't have to hate myself, but ended up in a violent rage.
I'll be there in a minute.
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#11
I'm a good person. I'm not very respectable though, and I'm always raging. I think a raging woman is sexy. And some people might think a raging man is sexy, but in my experience, they either find me embarrassing or scary. I used to rather want to feel scary than embarrassing, now I don't give a shit. If I was a bad person I wouldn't have anything to rage about. Being a good person is an oxymoron, or, more truthfully, a good person is a dangerous ideal. Unless you look at it with the view that a good person is just a sick animal doing what's best under certain circumstances.

We can squeeze lots of commentary out these short poems you make.
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#12
Yeah, I always seem to end up talking about something else entirely when I post one of these suckers on the forum. I kind of gave up with serious critique. I am forever exiled to Miscellaneous.
I'll be there in a minute.
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#13
wow this poem sure tis a deep one. i like the imagery your poetry spun. i feel like like i fit in everything but the partner aspect
Only one thing is impossible for God: To find any sense in any copyright law on the planet.
--mark twain
Bunx
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#14
(04-11-2013, 07:39 AM)newsclippings Wrote:  I'm feeling murderous.

You let me become your mistake.

And I guess I'm so full of rage
because I'm bothering to be a good person--

but I'm not.
And you, you're definitely not.
In that way, we're perfect for each other.

I think you're capable of better things... Note that I haven't accomplished great things either.
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#15
You mean better poems?
I'll be there in a minute.
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#16
(06-13-2013, 10:20 AM)newsclippings Wrote:  You mean better poems?

Yes better poems Thumbsup I have seen you have a decent lexicon
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#17
thought about my comment. i still think this poem is pretty title driven.
on the moral theme of this poem.
meh sex is sex. rage is rage. bad is bad.
use is use.
i feel like im missing the inner message of this poem. aka the bigger theme?
what is it? rage?

(06-18-2013, 12:11 AM)Bunx Wrote:  thought about my comment. i still think this poem is pretty title driven.
on the moral theme of this poem.
meh sex is sex. rage is rage. bad is bad.
use is use.
i feel like im missing the inner message of this poem. aka the bigger theme?
what is it? rage?

ahhh, umm... i think the theme is now murder?
i like this poem now

(06-18-2013, 12:11 AM)Bunx Wrote:  thought about my comment. i still think this poem is pretty title driven.
on the moral theme of this poem.
meh sex is sex. rage is rage. bad is bad.
use is use.
i feel like im missing the inner message of this poem. aka the bigger theme?
what is it? rage?

(06-18-2013, 12:11 AM)Bunx Wrote:  thought about my comment. i still think this poem is pretty title driven.
on the moral theme of this poem.
meh sex is sex. rage is rage. bad is bad.
use is use.
i feel like im missing the inner message of this poem. aka the bigger theme?
what is it? rage?

ahhh, umm... i think the theme is now murder?
i like this poem now

thanks for the poem by the way. don't kill me for posting Tongue
Only one thing is impossible for God: To find any sense in any copyright law on the planet.
--mark twain
Bunx
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#18
I think the title is better than the poem.
I'll be there in a minute.
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