My livingroom revolution

[escorial]

you can share my biscuts
drink my tea
watch my t.v
listen to the radio
coffee and cream to
the drinks cabinets free
we'll sort this world out
in my livingroom revolution

[billy]

for such a short poem you should really check for spelling errors
i enjoyed the brevity of the poem and the last two lines have a certain oomph

you can share my biscuts biscuits
drink my tea
watch my t.v
listen to the radio
coffee and cream to i'm struggling with this line and the next.
the drinks cabinets free cabinet's
we'll sort this world out
in my livingroom revolution

[newsclippings]

you can share my biscuts
drink my tea
watch my t.v
listen to the radio
coffee and cream to
the drinks cabinets free
we'll sort this world out
in my livingroom revolution

L1: biscuits,
L3: t.v.
L5: do you mean too?

I think this might be a seriously under-thought poem. You're putting it in serious critique, but how much time did you really spend on this? I see no reason for all the mistakes -- it's 8 lines long.

Anywho: I think you could change "coffee and cream to // the drinks cabinets free" to "coffee and cream too // with liquor cabinets open" (if that's the meaning you're going for).

[PoetryAndPhysics]

I like the change of perspective in the last line; we’re sitting in the mundane, contemplating revolution (I think of Lennon’s Revolution and Come Together, but digressing). I agree that this could be better thought out. Images, for example: we’re given tea, tv, and coffee, all not really carrying their weight (just including “living room” in the title basically does what they do). Even mundane images should be better dressed than these, I think. Also I don't really get the wording of the carbinets line. But this is definitely a good idea, worth revisiting.

(FYI, I'm guilty of what I just described all the time; I think it just means more time has to be put in, every word contemplated, ... kk, think that's all for now)