My first poem

[Fatal~Biscuit]

This Person

I see him everywhere
Every shop window
Every telephone box
Every car

I know his name
I know his parents
I see them everyday
I know everything about him

Yet, I have never properly shaken his hand
Or had a normal conversation with him
But, I am everything to this person
Without me, he would not exist

When I brush my teeth
So does he
When I am happy
He is also

He mirrors me
But mirroring implies there is two
But there is only one
Me

[Todd]

Hi Fatal~Biscuit,

Welcome to the site!

I think this is pretty good for a first poem in that it flows pretty well, doesn't try to be overly poetic, and has an interesting semi-riddle quality to it. I also liked your use of properly on the shaking hands line, and normally in the conversation line. If anything you could enhance the mystery more until the very end. Make it seem like this other you could be a detective of sorts or a stalker. Be subtle for as long as possible.

With the car for instance. By seeing him in the rear view mirror. It could imply that you're being followed. Maybe play around with those sorts of ideas.

That's really all I've got. This comes across to me as an early draft that you could develop more.


I hope that's helpful.

Best,

Todd

[Fatal~Biscuit]

Thanks Todd.
I definitely agree with keeping it subtle, also I think I could add more and improve it also. Thanks for the comments.