The Man Who Couldn't Rhyme

[BennyBoy]

First Edit

The Man Who Couldn't Rhyme

I think through words in my brain
searching for some that will free me from pain

“Confusion sets in, as does repulsion
Timeless, effusive, putrid expulsion”

When I think of my time
I can't picture a rhyme

I think of poetry
Not as a part of me

My introspection is masturbation
My addiction: internal creation

Am I amused, or am I pretending?
I see no hope, so I'm surrendering

End of Poem
By Me

Original

The Man Who Couldn't Rhyme

I think through words in my brain
searching for some that will free me from pain

“Confusion sets in, as does repulsion
Timeless, effusive, putrid expulsion”

When I think of my time
I can't picture a rhyme

I think of poetry
Not as a part of me

Am I amused, or am I pretending?
I see no hope, so I'm surrendering

My Introspection
is masturbation

My addiction
iinternal creation

[Todd]

Honestly Benny, this might be even cooler if you led people to expect a simple rhyme and than took them in an entirely non rhyming direction. I mean I like a lot of this, but I feel you're wasting the setup of a great title.

[Leanne]

I tend to agree with Todd. I would love to see you set up the obvious and then go with the non-rhyme... you know, like end a line in duck and set up the next one to be... well, you get the picture

PS. All poetry is masturbation, don't you know?

[BennyBoy]

Fast replies!

Todd and Leanne, you must be correct. I will try not to be so enslaved to rhyming and structure. I use form as a crutch - and I don't even understand form!

[arbil_poieo]

Hey Benny,
I agree with the other comments, it would have been a bit of a good twist (you know how much I like those)
I do like some of the ideas:

My Introspection
is masturbation

My addiction
iinternal creation

I think of poetry
Not as a part of me

Those to me make your point, I think you should build the poem around the thought behind those.