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[way2epic4me]

The soil cracks beneath my soles
Clay and sand trap the rocks in my path
I follow this cobble stone road
Through this land
A land untamed
The perfume of wattle
Fills the air, so thick
Pierced by the smell of dried gum leaves
The air buzzing with cicadas
Resurrected from the ground to fill the skies with their songs of life
I lose my self in this cascade of senses
A faint smile plays on my lips
This is my home
My foot catches on something
I look down and see a bottle
A Victoria Bitters of all things
I stray off the path
And plunge into the walls of gums
Every step, matched by the crackles and snaps of the leaves
Every step takes me closer to heart of the bush
Laughter startles me
Up ahead is an old Ghost Gum
Gnarled by time, hardened by summers, and blackened by fire
In its branches is a bird of laughter
It looks down on me, head cocked to the side
A man, it seems to think, out here?
It cackles at this absurd thought
Shrieking with laughter to flies of to a nearby Banksia
I keep walking
Soon I come to a clearing
Before me is a rock
An ancient rock that
Has grown out of this earth
Long before these ancient trees grew around it
My hand reaches out and my fingers gently touch it
Worn smooth by winds of a time long in the past
The waves of the sand stone shows the winds that carved it
I start to climb this statue of nature
Soon I look out onto this land
A cross, woven with the stars of the south
Will look down on me soon, but now is hidden by the harsh sun
I look out, and see a Wedge Tail
Soaring majestically though the trees
I close my eyes
I open my senses
A sharp roar pierces the peace
A roar of cruel steel
The screams of birds, filling the air
All around me, this world is being murdered
The ground shakes as a mighty Blue Gum
Who stood for centuries watching all, falls
They're here
A Red gum holds its ground,
It's blood streaming from its bark
Poisoned by the iron and copper nails sunk deep into its body
Fire licks at the Banksias, the Wattles and the Black Boys
The birds take to the air never returning
My eyes open
I'm standing in Federation square
Old Gums replace by towers of glass and steel
Above the majestic eagle is now a common pidgin
I look around me with eyes filled with sorrow
I walk home, boots still caked with clay and sand
This, is now my home

any feedback would be appreciated. also on another note, im just curious to see if anyone can guess where this is set. thanks

[Erthona]

( if anyone can guess where this is set.)

That would be Melbourne, most populace state in Australia, in the state of Victoria, known for it's beer, such as "Victoria Bitters", which until recently was the largest selling beer on the island. Also, all the other items you mentioned can be found in that area.
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This sentence seems to need some work.

"Shrieking with laughter to flies of to a nearby Banksia?"
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The lines in general seem a bit choppy, and could probably benefit from some smoothing.

Dale

[addy]

I like how the events played out, like it had a magic realist thing going on

The soil cracks beneath my soles Don't need this line imo, but probably just my taste
Clay and sand trap the rocks in my path
I follow this cobble stone road
Through this land not enough impact here to warrant splitting this up into repetition. "through this land untamed" is fine
A land untamed
The perfume of wattle "the perfume of wattle is thick" should be fine
Fills the air, so thick
Pierced by the smell of dried gum leaves
The air buzzing with cicadas
Resurrected from the ground to fill the skies with their songs of life
I lose my self in this cascade of senses
A faint smile plays on my lips Don't need this line, but again maybe that's just me
This is my home
My foot catches on something
I look down and see a bottle
A Victoria Bitters of all things
I stray off the path
And plunge into the walls of gums
Every step, matched by the crackles and snaps of the leaves
Every step takes me closer to heart of the bush
Laughter startles me
Up ahead is an old Ghost Gum
Gnarled by time, hardened by summers, and blackened by fire
In its branches is a bird of laughter
It looks down on me, head cocked to the side
A man, it seems to think, out here?
It cackles at this absurd thought
Shrieking with laughter to flies "shrieking with laughter" may be redundant at this point of to a nearby Banksia
I keep walking
Soon I come to a clearing "I keep walking and soon come to a clearing." Would that read better?
Before me is a rock
An ancient rock that
Has grown out of this earth
Long before these ancient trees grew around it
My hand reaches out and my fingers gently touch it
Worn smooth by winds of a time long in the past
The waves of the sand stone shows the winds that carved it
I start to climb this statue of nature
Soon I look out onto this land
A cross, woven with the stars of the south
Will look down on me soon, but now is hidden by the harsh sun I quite like this part
I look out, and see a Wedge Tail you repeated "I look out"... maybe say "i spot a wedge tail" instead?
Soaring majestically though the trees
I close my eyes
I open my senses
A sharp roar pierces the peace
A roar of cruel steel
The screams of birds, filling the air
All around me, this world is being murdered
The ground shakes as a mighty Blue Gum
Who stood for centuries watching all, falls
They're here
A Red gum holds its ground,
It's blood streaming from its bark
Poisoned by the iron and copper nails sunk deep into its body
Fire licks at the Banksias, the Wattles and the Black Boys
The birds take to the air never returning
My eyes open
I'm standing in Federation square
Old Gums replace by towers of glass and steel
Above the majestic eagle is now a common pidgin
I look around me with eyes filled with sorrow
I walk home, boots still caked with clay and sand
This, is now my home

[billy]

The soil cracks beneath my soles
Clay and sand trap the rocks in my path lots of little words that give nothing;

Soil cracks beneath my soles
Clay and sand trap rocks in my path
I follow cobble stones
Through this land........ Just done to lend ideas

I follow this cobble stone road
Through this land
A land untamed
The perfume of wattle
Fills the air, so thick the
Pierced by the smell of dried gum leaves
The air buzzing with cicadas
Resurrected from the ground to fill the skies with their songs of life
I lose my self in this cascade of senses
A faint smile plays on my lips
This is my home
My foot catches on something
I look down and see a bottle
A Victoria Bitters of all things
I stray off the path
And plunge into the walls of gums
Every step, matched by the crackles and snaps of the leaves
Every step takes me closer to heart of the bush
Laughter startles me
Up ahead is an old Ghost Gum
Gnarled by time, hardened by summers, and blackened by fire
In its branches is a bird of laughter
It looks down on me, head cocked to the side i love this line, it has imagery, life, and lots of other stuff going on. excellent
A man, it seems to think, out here?
It cackles at this absurd thought
Shrieking with laughter to flies of to a nearby Banksia
I keep walking
Soon I come to a clearing
Before me is a rock
An ancient rock that
Has grown out of this earth
Long before these ancient trees grew around it
My hand reaches out and my fingers gently touch it
Worn smooth by winds of a time long in the past
The waves of the sand stone shows the winds that carved it
I start to climb this statue of nature
Soon I look out onto this land
A cross, woven with the stars of the south
Will look down on me soon, but now is hidden by the harsh sun
I look out, and see a Wedge Tail
Soaring majestically though the trees
I close my eyes
I open my senses
A sharp roar pierces the peace
A roar of cruel steel
The screams of birds, filling the air
All around me, this world is being murdered
The ground shakes as a mighty Blue Gum
Who stood for centuries watching all, falls
They're here
A Red gum holds its ground,
It's blood streaming from its bark
Poisoned by the iron and copper nails sunk deep into its body
Fire licks at the Banksias, the Wattles and the Black Boys
The birds take to the air never returning
My eyes open
I'm standing in Federation square
Old Gums replace by towers of glass and steel
Above the majestic eagle is now a common pidgin
I look around me with eyes filled with sorrow
I walk home, boots still caked with clay and sand
This, is now my home

any feedback would be appreciated. also on another note, im just curious to see if anyone can guess where this is set. thanks

def austrailia even without the place names, they just define better what area it is. the difference between this and another poem i gave feedback on it big, this i and most could relate too it has a feel of a time and place. the word 'this' appears in the poem a lot and in some ways gives it a hint of dialect. this land, this home, i'm wondering if it should be expanded upon (the dialect) while it's a narrative poem it needs a bit of a clean up. make it native narrative and use all those little words to good use or non native narrative and remove as many of those little words as can.

i think this has a lot going for it. well worth saving and editing

thanks for the read.