August spits and holds

[Aish]

Perhaps the debate of semantics and schools of thought regarding poetry and obfuscation should be relegated to another area./mod

[Erthona]

What's the fun in that, besides I still haven't found out what the title means

[rayheinrich]

Perhaps the debate of semantics and schools of thought regarding poetry and obfuscation should be relegated to another area.

I'd prefer "elevated" to "relegated" but I don't think it matters a whole
lot as the bird that was in our collective hand has flown off to join the
two in the bush while we were busy flogging our dead horse of a different
color till the cows came home to roost. (I.E. I've said more than
everything I ever wanted say about this and I think we did quite well.)

BUT: If someone wants to set up a different thread for discussing our
relatives that were involved in WWII, I'm game.

Have a Merry Secular Xmas Y'all
Ray

P.S. This just in:
"What's the fun in that. I still haven't found out what the title means.

"Spits and holds" are names for parts used to secure windmills.
"August spits and holds" are old ones that have held up well.
But I haven't the faintest idea what these have to do with the poem.
I guess we've found our meaninglessness just in time.

[Wildcard]

I hesitate to do say this being a fairly new moderator, but I must say that the replies to this thread have wandered so far to be disrespectful to the poet. Whether you think this is a good poem, a poem gone bad or an 'attempt to appear deep through obfuscation', this is the poet's thread and comments should be restricted to work-shopping the poem.

Please stay on topic/mod

you dismiss all prominent apocalypse theories where saints prevail and shove the dining room in the closet. --I found this line confusing. After a little Google and a little more thought, I still came up empty. Hiding the dining room in the closet? In which apocalypse theories do saints prevail? I searched for these meanings but came up empty.

I know your restlessness, the tangled scent of red. there's nothing heroic about this. --Had I found an established trend in the first line, I would find this line very intriguing, but as it is, I am falling further and further away from understanding. That being said, I feel good about the first sentence here and am jealous of 'the tangled scent of red'

you're irresistible amongst flat tires, and the minutia of a daytime half-moon. Again, I find intriguing lines that don't seem to go anywhere or mesh in any way.

I'm puzzled by this piece as I can see many were. The thought behind it escapes me, but I've been in the situation myself in which no one could understand where I was trying to go with a poem. In the end, I found that it was my mind filling in details that I hadn't given the reader.

Maybe fleshing this poem out- or even writing a straight-forward version to compare to might give a reference to the important points that need to be covered. Of course, my lack of understanding might be caused by my own ignorance. I'd venture to say you have a way with words, RBL, but imo you must find a way to tie these wonderful phrases together.

Thanks for sharing.

[rayheinrich]

I hesitate to do say this being a fairly new moderator, but I must say that the replies to this thread have wandered so far to be disrespectful to the poet. Whether you think this is a good poem, a poem gone bad or an 'attempt to appear deep through obfuscation', this is the poet's thread and comments should be restricted to work-shopping the poem.

[font=Courier New][size=1]
By and large there were many references to the poem and it was a
wonderfully intelligent discussion. Narrowing the discussion to "work-shopping"
is narrowing our minds to juggling a few words. Not the kind of thing
that improves anyone's writing. Next you'll be asking us to limit
discussions to 25 words and not to use any big words. Absurd!
This is supposed to be a creative writing board, not an elementary
school. Or wait, am I wrong, is it? Tell me now, wouldn't want to waste
any more "big words"

Sincerely and slightly pissed off,
Ray

[Wildcard]

Read the rules:

7. Don't edit, argue with, ignore, or spoof modcalls. If you disagree with a call then PM the mod, a supermod, or an administrator.

Post on topic/mod

[Leanne]

Settle, petals. Nobody's really asking to limit the discussion, just to put it in a place where it can be slightly more appropriate. For the sake of peace, it's best to keep poem threads on track and directly relating to the poem itself -- when a discussion grows larger than the original post, we really need to split it so that it can wander more freely.

Ray, you've only been here a little while and we love you, but the critique threads are really only intended for workshopping a specific poem. Further discussions should go on elsewhere -- nobody's suggesting that they're invalid or unwelcome, and there's nothing elementary about a good workshop. In fact, they're the hardest thing on the internet to find.

rbl, please accept our apologies -- this discussion is all very interesting but the moderators really should have stepped in earlier and shifted the more philosophical points to Poetry Discussion. /admin

[Erthona]

No disrespect to rbl,
my banter was with Ray,
and that only as a bit of fun!
"But keep your way,
i' God's name; I have done."

exeunt, stage left!

[grannyjill]

Thank goodness - I was about to do an irascible old granny thing and leap from my rocking chair to beat everyone around the head with a yard broom.

Peace - it is Christmas

Edit - one thought - has rbl actually been reading any of this?

[Leanne]

I have moved the last post on this thread here.

Any further posts on this particular thread, however, should be direct critique of the poem:

you dismiss all prominent apocalypse theories where saints prevail and shove the dining room in the closet.

I know your restlessness, the tangled scent of red. there's nothing heroic about this.

you're irresistible amongst flat tires, and the minutia of a daytime half-moon.

[rbl]

rbl has indeed been reading this grannyjill. I would like to sincerly thank everyone who provided positive, constructive feedback on this piece. I was surprised to see such passionate discussion on a forum where I was expecting 'mild critique.'

I understand for some of you, this piece was puzzling and/or you could not relate to it. I am grateful for Aish's comments. I too write out of necessity, and it's not always in a form that's standard. Sometimes people don't get it, but to me it makes sense. I don't always get everything I read on here either, but I still try to make concrete, practical suggestions when posting, rather than just dismiss someone else's work because I don't care about their subject or understand it. Again, I thank all of you who posted such comments.

[popeye]

rbl has indeed been reading this grannyjill. I would like to sincerly thank everyone who provided positive, constructive feedback on this piece. I was surprised to see such passionate discussion on a forum where I was expecting 'mild critique.'

I understand for some of you, this piece was puzzling and/or you could not relate to it. I am grateful for Aish's comments. I too write out of necessity, and it's not always in a form that's standard. Sometimes people don't get it, but to me it makes sense. I don't always get everything I read on here either, but I still try to make concrete, practical suggestions when posting, rather than just dismiss someone else's work because I don't care about their subject or understand it. Again, I thank all of you who posted such comments.

Hello rbl, I enjoyed this for its conveyance of drama and after reading all the comments had a lot better idea of what you were saying, almost felt the need to ask exactly what you meant, but felt it would be like asking a comedian to explain the punch line, cheers and Merry Christmas