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Cupid Knows Best
Why did Cupid’s arrow transfix my heart?
I don’t remember doing him a harm
Or casting doubts about his special charm.
So why attack me, why set me apart?
Was I writ large upon his victim chart?
‘Let’s get this maid, and shatter all her calm’
I'm sure he said, and then drew back his arm
And through my battered heart he drove a dart.
Hm. You may say that love will bring me bliss.
That all the world rejoices at love’s dream.
Perhaps, you’re right. My heart does strongly beat
Each time I feel his arms and taste his kiss.
Forgive me Cupid, you knew well your scheme
I bow and humbly kiss your winged feet.
(This was written for another site where I am learning how to write sonnets....My homework? To write a sonnet about love abba abba (and choose cd cd cd, or cdc cdc or cde cde). I've posted it already so any tips would only be for help to me in the future ie I'm not cheating. ('winged' should be read as wingED)
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(11-18-2011, 04:24 PM)grannyjill Wrote: Cupid Knows Best
Why did Cupid’s arrow transfix my heart? Don't we all ask this haha
I don’t remember doing him a harm
Or casting doubts about his special charm. "Casting","charm" I like this little magical vocabulary.
So why attack me, why set me apart? Don't worry, you're not, his arrow gets everyone
Was I writ large upon his victim chart? Reads a bit weird
‘Let’s get this maid, and shatter all her calm’
I'm sure he said, and then drew back his arm Good
And through my battered heart he drove a dart. Good as well
Hm. You may say that love will bring me bliss.
That all the world rejoices at love’s dream. Reads weird
Perhaps, you’re right. My heart does strongly beat How strong?
Each time I feel his arms and taste his kiss.
Forgive me Cupid, you knew well your scheme
I bow and humbly kiss your winged feet. Clever
(This was written for another site where I am learning how to write sonnets....My homework? To write a sonnet about love abba abba (and choose cd cd cd, or cdc cdc or cde cde). I've posted it already so any tips would only be for help to me in the future ie I'm not cheating. ('winged' should be read as wingED) This was rather good, could of used more imagery. And more personal input, to differentiate this poem from the other lovely cupid ones.
I never highlight my flaws or deficits
Because none of that will matter when death visits
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the meter isn't bad. I really liked that last line!!
My name is Ozymandias, King of Kings:
Look on my works, ye mighty, and despair!
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Hi Granny,
I enjoy the problems/questions explored in this, as much as the resolution. I know most people tend to focus on the mere presence of images, etc., but to be able to form a narrative arc like you have, within a classic form, is as much a challenge as anything else. Here's my critique:
I wish the story explored love in a way that added some new insight to it. Within the narrative arc, L4 & L5 feel as if they are sort of filler lines, i.e., the execution of the rhyming lines could possibly offer a more compelling story. "Writ large upon his victim's chart", to be specific, doesn't consider the question as to why cupid selected the speaker for love, in a light that hadn't been explored yet.
L9 I can't get to fit to what I gander to say is otherwise perfect pentameter. (Someone correct me if my scan is wrong here).
Hope that helps,
James
(10-23-2013, 12:11 PM)jdeirmend Wrote: Hi Granny,
I enjoy the problems/questions explored in this, as much as the resolution. I know most people tend to focus on the mere presence of images, etc., but to be able to form a narrative arc like you have, within a classic form, is as much a challenge as anything else. Here's my critique:
I wish the story explored love in a way that added some new insight to it. Within the narrative arc, L4 & L5 feel as if they are sort of filler lines, i.e., the execution of the rhyming lines could possibly offer a more compelling story. "Writ large upon his victim's chart", to be specific, doesn't consider the question as to why cupid selected the speaker for love, in a light that hadn't been explored yet.
L9 I can't get to fit to what I gander to say is otherwise perfect pentameter. (Someone correct me if my scan is wrong here).
Hope that helps,
James James,
hmYOU maySAY thatLOVE willBRING meBLISS
Am I right? 
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(10-23-2013, 12:45 PM)tigrflye Wrote: (10-23-2013, 12:11 PM)jdeirmend Wrote: Hi Granny,
I enjoy the problems/questions explored in this, as much as the resolution. I know most people tend to focus on the mere presence of images, etc., but to be able to form a narrative arc like you have, within a classic form, is as much a challenge as anything else. Here's my critique:
I wish the story explored love in a way that added some new insight to it. Within the narrative arc, L4 & L5 feel as if they are sort of filler lines, i.e., the execution of the rhyming lines could possibly offer a more compelling story. "Writ large upon his victim's chart", to be specific, doesn't consider the question as to why cupid selected the speaker for love, in a light that hadn't been explored yet.
L9 I can't get to fit to what I gander to say is otherwise perfect pentameter. (Someone correct me if my scan is wrong here).
Hope that helps,
James James,
hmYOU maySAY thatLOVE willBRING meBLISS
Am I right?
The period after Hm. in the original would seem to bar that possibility.
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