(content) just fiction

[heslopian]

i

rip rip rip her son
like a sheet of crepe paper

or sugar glass one breath could break

watch her shatter
silly girl

blood and bones by chapter 3
but i'm an honest sort

see my kids and baseball cap
below the author's note
i buy cookies from girl scouts

and if while dropping sally off
at her ballet class
i thought about a young mother
strapped to a broken door and raped
not with phalluses but knives
there's no need to prosecute

it's all just fiction kid

ii

all the neon dust jackets
like bar signs slicing through the dark

open the peephole snap her bra
fill a tissue drain your beer

throw me in the wastebasket
with last month's hustler

it's all just fiction
just fiction
all just fiction kid

[billy]

i love it jack, i take it this was brought about from the sewer posts?

i really think this a keeper.
i do have one nit on what i think is a very publishable poem.
the poem has no grammar and it works really well without it. even the small ee cummins's small i's work a treat.
but that being the case, would each part of the following lines read better on their own line in order to save the syntax issues?

open the peephole snap her bra
fill a tissue drain your beer

it quite a powerful read, the hustler couplet i love as i do some of the others lines.

thanks for the read

[addy]

I can find no fault with the piece... the opening is wonderful, every line is nicely contained and spot-on, even the lack of caps adds both an elegance and a seedy feel to the piece. One of the most solid works I've read. If I absolutely had to nitpick, in the last line of stanza 6 I suppose "prosecute" could be replaced with a term that's a bit more arresting (no pun intended), like "throw the book", but really it's a non-issue. The poem is strong and wonderfully clever as is.

[John Holland]

Strong poem with a confronting theme. I quite like the format and line breaks.

My favourite passage is:

"all the neon dust jackets
like bar signs slicing through the dark"

I don't have any nits to pick either.

[heslopian]

Thanks for the kind words and feedback Bilbo

i love it jack, i take it this was brought about from the sewer posts?

Yeah I began by writing that entry for Room 101 then decided I'd make it a poem. A simple sewer post wasn't enough to contain my impotent fury

would each part of the following lines read better on their own line in order to save the syntax issues?

open the peephole snap her bra
fill a tissue drain your beer

You mean like this?

"open the peephole
snap her bra
fill a tissue
drain your beer"

That sounds like a good idea; I'll think about it, thanks.

---

Strong poem with a confronting theme. I quite like the format and line breaks.

My favourite passage is:

"all the neon dust jackets
like bar signs slicing through the dark"

I don't have any nits to pick either.

Thanks for the kind words, Mr. Holland

---

I can find no fault with the piece... the opening is wonderful, every line is nicely contained and spot-on, even the lack of caps adds both an elegance and a seedy feel to the piece. One of the most solid works I've read. If I absolutely had to nitpick, in the last line of stanza 6 I suppose "prosecute" could be replaced with a term that's a bit more arresting (no pun intended), like "throw the book", but really it's a non-issue. The poem is strong and wonderfully clever as is.

I really like that "throw the book" suggestion. It's in keeping with the informal tone of the diction. Thanks for the feedback and kind words, Addy