A Long Division

[Wildcard]

slammed the door a little
too hard this time.
shattered pane
made way for banshee breaths.
all mud-fight winners
are humiliated

slammed the door a little
too hard this time.
shattered pane
gave way to banshee breaths,
humiliating mud-fight
winners

[grannyjill]

I assumed this was the outcome of yet another row (A long division seeming to say you'd been at odds for some time) and I was with you until I got to the 'mud-fight' line where I lost it. If this is a fight between lovers how come the last line is 'winners' - plural. As I said I don't understand the poem....but perhaps I've missed the point.

Shouldn't 'gives' be 'gave' to match 'slammed/shattered' past tense words?

[Wildcard]

Hi Jill,
I think you were on the right track in the beginning and the point that you are contesting is the most important one.
As for the tense, I'll have a look at it. Thanks for reading and offering your advice.

[Todd]

Hi AA,

I'd like to comment but the ending sort of lost me, and I don't want to suggest any changes when I'm not clear on the content.

It's a little too closed off to me (though again I could just be missing something obvious).

Best,

Todd

[Wildcard]

Thanks Todd,
I'm not sure I understand 'closed off' . . .

[Todd]

I mean the meaning is closed off to me (nothing about the text itself).

[billy]

slammed the door a little
too hard this time.
shattered pane
gave way to banshee breaths,
humiliating mud-fight
winners

i presume mud fight is aka mudslinging
the very last line confused me
love the title. shattered pain/pane works on two levels.
i think if you could sort out the last line (maybe with a no preceding winners) it would help dramatically.

thanks for the read.

[Wildcard]

Billy,
Ten million Elvis fans can't be wrong. I thought the meaning was clear, but obviously it is not. Back to the drawing board, it seems I was too sparse this time with my wording.

---

Also, Billy: Could you explain the 'no preceding winners' comment for me? Thanks

---

Nevermind I just got it

[Aish]

slammed the door a little
too hard this time.
shattered pane
gave way to banshee breaths, Shattered pane and banshee breaths are the strongest lines - the intent comes through clearly.
humiliating mud-fight
winners You need a period here.

Hi, Mark. 'mud-fight winners' evoked two images for me, the first being nude women wrestling, the second being young and mud fighting in the rain with my siblings. After reading through this a few times I see where both parties are not 'clean' - fighting with a loved one leaves both parties dirty.
I think conveying a sense of domesticity/lovers quarrel would mean adding just a little more to this. It is succinct, but the mud-fight image (to me) does not convey a long term relationship as the title suggests.

[Wildcard]

Thanks Aish. That makes a lot of sense. In the interest of learning, I want to explain what I am seeing when I read this. In some contests, there are definite ways to tell who the winner is, but in others, it can be more subjective. Often both parties walk away feeling that they have won the day. Mud-slinging, like being at odds with a loved one, has no winners. In the end, you're all dirty and humiliated.

[abu nuwas]

For once, I 'got' it -- but you have spoiled my triumph by explaining! Elsewhere, there has been much discussion of 'ambiguity' and the idea that the reader should not expect to receive what the writer may have intended, but merely take away whatever he or she gets. As it chances, for personal reasons, this brought back only too much.

Banshees in Alabam? I was brought up to be terrified at the prospect of hearing the wail of the banshee by the wayside of some lonely road in Ireland, where I had never been....

[Wildcard]

Special thanks to Disney movies for making Irish folklore part of my childhood. It's a fairly popular southern word as a lot of us are of Irish decent. So, you really got it though? Nice.

[heslopian]

A banshee is a feminine spirit, usually bringing an omen of death... So I'm guessing this refers to a relationship the narrator is involved in. He slams the door on storming out after an argument, the glass breaks and the girlfriend goes berserk, screaming hysterically like a banshee. The mud fight line baffles me though. Still, a good little abstract poem AA.

[Wildcard]

Thanks, Jack. I am still looking at it, but am having a hard time coming up with anything different. To me, the inference is clear, but maybe mudfighting isn't universally winnerless . . .

[John Holland]

Mud sticks, doesn't it? I like this brief but quite strong poem. I like too your use of "banshee breaths". You manage to convey a good description of a full-on domestic in just a few words.

Strong work.

[addy]

slammed the door a little
too hard this time.
shattered pane
gave way to banshee breaths,
humiliating mud-fight
winners

I do like this AA. I think the reason why people are having trouble with the last line is because at the beginning of the poem, you make it a pretty clear first-person POV of the narrator ("slammed the door a little too hard this time...") so for the rest of the poem the reader has been conditioned to expect the narrator's subjective interpretation of events: the narrator would think he was the winner, and the other person the loser. Or perhaps the narrator would think they both lost, and would be sarcastic about it, thus the "winners" line. I took it as the latter, but I see how the POV switch from "subjective & involved" to an observation that would be classed as "semi-objective & detached" would lead to the confused meaning.

[Wildcard]

John, thanks for reading and for your comments which are very kind.

Addy,
   Thank you very much for you assessment of my poem. I think I see what you mean and what you said might help me to clear up the confusion. I might even try the last 2 lines as:

mud-fight winners humiliated.

I'll have to give it another look after work. Thanks, again.

[ICSoria]

Thanks Aish. That makes a lot of sense. In the interest of learning, I want to explain what I am seeing when I read this. In some contests, there are definite ways to tell who the winner is, but in others, it can be more subjective. Often both parties walk away feeling that they have won the day. Mud-slinging, like being at odds with a loved one, has no winners. In the end, you're all dirty and humiliated.

AA,
In my mind, if a poet's explanation is longer than the sum total of the poem itself, it often means the poem has failed or is failing. Personally, I do not believe this poem is failing but you should take whatever valuable insight is offered, concentrate on refining rather than explaining, and let each final interpretation fall where it may, as it were.

Sid

[Wildcard]

Sid,
Ok. That makes sense. Thanks for your feedback, sir. I will give it a try.

[Wildcard]

Did an small edit:

slammed the door a little
too hard this time.
shattered pane
made way for banshee breaths.
all mud-fight winners are
humiliated