Progress

[heslopian]

I suppose, being young, I should take to the streets
with the rest of my transient generation,
determined that their final years of obligatory hope
and pretended support from society's spearheads
will not be wasted on courses, patronising advice
about the proper handshake. But I am too jaded for war,
no matter how fake the revolution,
corrupt the principles, regardless if it boils down
to stealing some video games, a TV.

The anarchist doctrine is boring, an artificial sunflower:
deceptive to those who've never seen one.
The world ages, walks on, takes rest,
progressing every hundred years
towards a more prolonged stasis.
IV drips and spelling bees, education, prison cells,
we streamline our existence so
we can wait for death in peace, not have to a build a new fire,
roast a fresh carcass each night, wail at the sun for crops.

[Aish]

I see you shouldered your disdain and wrote about the rioting.

[heslopian]

I tried valiently to remain unmoved, but when inspiration comes I feel obliged to heed it, lest it take offence and leave me for a very long time

[billy]

I suppose, being young, I should take to the streets
with the rest of my transient generation,
determined that their final years of obligatory hope
and pretended support from society's spearheads
will not be wasted on courses, patronising advice
about the proper handshake. But I am too jaded for war,
no matter how fake the revolution,
corrupt the principles, regardless if it boils down
to stealing some video games, a TV. love the last 4 lines, they just feel so lethargic.

The anarchist doctrine is boring, an artificial sunflower:
deceptive to those who've never seen one.
The world ages, walks on, takes rest,
progressing every hundred years
towards a more prolonged stasis.
IV drips and spelling bees, education, prison cells,
we streamline our existence so
we can wait for death in peace, not have to a build a new fire,
roast a fresh carcass each night, wail at the sun for crops.

i like the images you show. if i had a nit it would be split the longer lines ie;

The anarchist doctrine is boring,
an artificial sunflower:
jmo
i enjoyed the read, thanks.

[heslopian]

Thanks for the feedback Bilbo The poem originally ended with a separate tercet about the sun arriving at our gables and swallowing us all up, but I thought the poem would be leaner and more focused if I cut them.

[billy]

i agree, that said it you want it leaner ( i like the non-leaner verion, i think)

you should remove some of the packing. ie;

Being young, I should take to the streets
my transient generation determined;
their final years of obligatory hope
and pretended support from society's spearheads

but as i say i do like the lengthier version.