Confession

[heslopian]

"Write books only if you are going to say in them the things you would never dare confide to anyone. " - Emile M. Cioran

I have been called a pessimist.
A man who craves the long dark night
when all we know and all we see
is drained of joy, blasphemy
replacing it. The moon a fat comedian
pausing for breath against his stool.

But what I crave is emptiness.
I have no need of pain (who does?)
but simply silence, a blond-haired boy
to share it with, preferably eighteen and dim.

[Leanne]

Make up your mind, Jack, is it a blond-haired boy you want or that long dark knight? :p

Craving emptiness will hit home for many artists -- either silence, or a blank canvas to fill only with those things we choose ourselves, none of the background noise and clutter of the intrusive world. We create our own ideal existence, and then the ignorant come along and try to tell us what they think it really is. I love your inversion of the standard moon-as-beautiful-goddess image.

I think you need "replacing it" instead of "them", as you have "is drained". That's all I've got, I'm afraid.

[heslopian]

Ah! I kept wondering if it should be "them" or "it." Thanks for clearing that up for me, and cheers for the kind words, Leanne I think you pretty much summed up the meaning of this poem - blocking out the intrusive world - better than I myself could.
Don't make me choose between the blond and the long dark knight! Can't I have both in a box with a nice pink bow?

[billy]

i really like it specially
The moon a fat comedian
pausing for breath against his stool.

i have one nit

A man who craves the long dark night
when all we know and all we see
is drained of joy, blasphemy
replacing it.

it goes from he to we, other than that for me it's a great little poem

the last verse feels almost perfect
thanks for the read

[heslopian]

Thanks for the kind words and feedback Bilbo

[critical mass]

great line here.

The moon a fat comedian
pausing for breath against his stool.


But what I crave is emptiness.
I have no need of pain (who does?)


but simply silence, a blond-haired boy
****there is a hard transition to
make from silence/to/ a blond, when read out loud, at least in my accent.

to share it with, preferably eighteen and dim.

Also like dim as an end word goes well with moon.


Other than that good read.

David

[heslopian]

Thanks for the thoughtful comment critical mass