Violence

[heslopian]

"BILLY touches his cigarette end to a sausage skin, burning through it, then squeezes the meat out." - stage direction from Sarah Kane's Skin

A plate of fried eggs and bacon,
plump sausages sweating like men
on a public beach in Spain.
Tomatoes red like blood, like blood,
and beneath them square
hot water bottles: two fried slices.
I wish to bury my face in the plate
and come up soaked in detritus,
like a soldier emerged from the trench,
almost lost behind fluids
drawn from a sad faced German boy.
But I just wasn't raised that way.

[srijantje]

emerging,maybe?

[heslopian]

No I did mean "emerged". It isn't meant to be a verb, and the grammar checks out.

[billy]

this is great, i have one nit though.

reading 'Tomatoes red like blood, like blood '
makes them sound juicey and delicious.
with
(why does this simile make them
sound even more delicious?),
added they sound fake.

other than that this is for me a very publishable poem jack
i've had two full english since i've been here
and if i could bury my face in one i think i would.

loved; plump sausages sweating like men.

thanks for the read

[heslopian]

So you don't think I need the lines in brackets? I'll delete them then. I only added them as a way of explaining why I repeated "like blood", which looking back was completely pointless. You're right, one does already have the sense of them being delicious from said repetition. Thanks for the feedback and kind words

[addy]

The description sounds so oblique yet so delicious. Very, very well done (pun intended )

[heslopian]

Thanks for the kind words Addy

[billy]

it works well without them jacko

jmo