Quiet after all adults and friends have left,
like colors gathered
by the sun. Now the sun leaves
everything in shades,
growing darker,
and you are still
nowhere to be seen.
What else to do but guess in the blanks
of my workbook, read,
and listen to the bugs
chirring in the late summer heat.
You should know
how new these planets are to me,
that I would have so many questions
about the math of it all,
yet from the pines the night is reaching
without your patience. I was pulled,
today, from our line
as it was forming, by our gym coach
and he yelled at me
in front of everyone,
including my teacher,
for pushing. But we were all pushing.
Mrs. Baugh pulled me aside later.
She said nice things
and hugged me. I thought
I was in more trouble. I started crying
because she was crying.
Why did I not feel sad
until another felt sad for me?
I don't expect an answer,
only that you would appear
as a parent does. The night's quiet
is already a confusion of answers,
summoned beetles tapping
on a light somewhere;
I am within what a distant observer,
a weird alien, would call a shadow.
What would you call it? This dark shape
no longer mine?
v2 Occultation
Quiet, as the sun leaves everything
in darkening shades,
and you are still
nowhere to be seen.
What else to do but fill in blanks
and listen to the bugs
chirring in the late summer heat.
You should know
how new these planets are to me,
that I would have so many questions,
and night is reaching from the pines,
without your patience.
Today I was yelled at by a man
in front of everyone,
including my teacher.
Mrs. Baugh later pulled me aside.
She said nice things
and hugged me. I thought
I was in more trouble. Her crying
made me cry. Why did I
not feel sadness, until another
felt sadness for me?
I don't expect an answer,
only that you would appear,
as a parent does. The night's quiet
is already a confusion of answers,
summoned beetles tapping
on a light somewhere,
within what a distant observer
would call a shadow.
What would you call it, this dark shape
no longer mine?
v1 Occultation
Quiet how the sun is leaving me
with shades of color
faded. Shades, too, will disappear
with all my friends
and the adults
and you are still
nowhere to be seen.
What else to do but read.
What else to do but listen to the cicadas
in late summer heat.
You should know
how new the world is to me,
that I would have so many questions
yet the shadows from the pines
are reaching
as if other matters
were more urgent to you.
My long dark shape
a smaller fear,
the shadows chant
answers, in exchange
for commitment of the body
to an unseen role,
rewarded with pleasure in lights;
chanting–
yesterday is a tail the mouth of tomorrow is swallowing if time is a circle, ergo, today is for consuming as the caterpillar of the leaf, so the self of knowledge.
We were supposed to read
the book I was reading,
home together. I’ll look for you
one last time.
Hi, alonso, so the few reads I was enjoying the poem and piecing together the bits that disrupted but then I figured I should know vs assume the meaning of Occlultation. As often happens to me with scientific terms, the more I read the more confused I got.
conjunction:
When two objects have either the same right ascension or the same ecliptic longitude (usually as observed from Earth). That is, they lie in (almost) a straight line from the point of view of the observer. In the case of the Solar System, such as when the Sun and Venus line up from the point of view of an observer on Earth, this is a conjunction. (It is also a conjunction when Earth lines up between e.g. Mars and the Sun - it is an inferior conjunction from the point of view of Mars (but we can't observe from Mars)).
Furthermore, when Venus lines up between the Earth and the Sun this is an inferior conjunction, and when Venus lines up with the Sun but on the opposite side of the Sun then this is a superior conjunction. Thus the inner planets (Mercury, Venus) can have both inferior conjunctions and superior conjunctions with Earth while the outer planets (Mars, Jupiter, etc.) can only have superior conjunctions with Earth.
The "almost" in "almost a straight line" is important because the definition is by longitude. Although the planets are said to lie in the ecliptic plane, this is not completely flat - they do not all have the exact same orbit inclinations. Thus not every conjunction is a transit, occultation or eclipse - they do not pass directly in front or behind.
transit:
When an object passes in front of a larger object*, this is a transit. These are rarer than conjunctions because the objects need to be directly in line so that one can be seen crossing the other.
In the case of recent transit of Venus, when Venus passed in front of the Sun, the sunlight passing through Venus' atmosphere gave us the opportunity to collect data on its composition. When one of the moons of Jupiter pass in front of Jupiter itself* this is also a transit.
occultation:
When an object passes in front of a smaller object*, this is an occultation. The farther object is hidden by the nearer object. These are also rare** because, like transits, they also need to be directly in line so that the nearer object can be seen crossing in front of, and blocking out, the farther object.
Asteroids occulting stars are studied because while we can calculate the asteroid's orbit and its distance from us using its speed, knowing how gravity and orbits work, etc., we can't see clearly enough to determine the size (think few kilometres in diameter but millions of kilometres away). But when an asteroid passes in front of (occults) a distant star, the star is effectively a point source (looks tiny), from the amount of time the occultation lasts and the asteroid's speed we can calculate its size***.
eclipse:
The Moon passing in front of the Sun is, depending on the conditions, a partial eclipse, total eclipse or annular eclipse.
Clearly, by the definition, when the Moon fully blocks the Sun it is an occultation and when it only partially blocks the Sun it is a transit, but this is a special case and is called a solar eclipse rather than a transit or occultation. (Similarly when the Moon passes through the Earth's shadow - when the Earth is directly between the Sun and the Moon - it is called a lunar eclipse.)
The word eclipse comes to us via Latin and French from ancient Greek ekleipsis, from ekleipein 'fail to appear, be eclipsed', from ek 'out' + leipein 'to leave'. (see eclipse on Wikipedia)
This alignment is also known as a syzygy****.
* Smaller or larger as they appear to the observer, an asteroid is most definitely smaller than a star but because it is so much nearer it looks bigger.
** A lookup of occultations can return a long list so that it may not seem rare, but when you compare how many asteroids there are, and how many stars, in relative terms it actually does not happen very often.
*** We can set limits on its size, given that the "average" asteroid looks like a lumpy potato rather than being some nice, regular shape that would make it easy to work these things out.
**** We could keep adding terms and googling them all day... ;-)
***** There is no footnote with five *
So applying it to the poem is difficult for me, I may get there or I may not, here are some notes on my read hoping to identify what I can reconcile and what gets me stuck.
Quiet how the sun is leaving me
with shades of color
faded. Shades, too, will disappear
with all my friends
and the adults
and you are still
nowhere to be seen. At first I thought this was sunset, then eclipse, but regardless the sun is leaving, the signs it existed leaving too. At first the second "shades" made me think window shades, neat! but I left that behind. The use of "adults" set the Narrator's age as young. We're talking humans now, I am unsure as to who "you" is.
What else to do but read.
What else to do but listen to the cicadas
in late summer heat. A beautiful setting of the scene, young but old enough to read.
You should know
how new the world is to me,
that I would have so many questions As if a babe but not, now I'm thinking maybe The N is not human, but still younger than the sun: moon, earth, asteroid? None of the above? Red herring? Important clue?
yet the shadows from the pines
are reaching
as if other matters
were more urgent to you. Enjoying this strong image, cabin in the woods surrounded by pointed trees, the urgency at first sounded sulky to me, now I'm at there's no urgency, just indifference.
My long dark shape
a smaller fear,
the shadows chant
answers, in exchange
for commitment of the body
to an unseen role,
rewarded with pleasure in lights;
chanting– I enjoy the language here but have yet to figure out what it means or who the N is.
yesterday is a tail the mouth of tomorrow is swallowing if time is a circle, ergo, today is for consuming as the caterpillar of the leaf, so the self of knowledge. Ah, clarity. Ergo and self of knowledge seem stiff and unnecessary.
We were supposed to read
the book I was reading,
home together. I’ll look for you
one last time. The sulking is back, the details that seem human, I get the loneliness here, but with all the gaps in understanding I'm left with I'm unsure what is gone.
So, I'd rather not get explanations, it's an enjoyable read I hope will somehow reveal itself or I will get a clue in someone else's critique. Just letting you know I've been reading and where I'm at with it.
Thanks for writing and posting.
I think you're onto something, I had to look up occultation and it can be astronomical or gardening
(04-25-2026, 02:18 AM)alonso ramoran Wrote: Occultation maybe an eclipse or blocking out the sun
Quiet how the sun is leaving me Im imagining nightfall
with shades of color not pitch black, maybe soothing
faded. Shades, too, will disappear foreknowledge? Is this actually the present,
with all my friends are the friends with us now, camping maybe
and the adults are we children? This is a little haunting
and you are still dead?
nowhere to be seen.missing or disappeared with the sun. Are the friends and adults also missing
What else to do but read. In the dark? What else to do but listen to the cicadas
in late summer heat.
You should know
how new the world is to me, that I would have so many questionsIm just saying i have so many questions, you probly don't need to say it
yet the shadows from the pines
are reaching
as if other matters
were more urgent to you. Maybe you are camping with friends,
My long dark shape my shape is very confusing, I've no idea what to imagine
a smaller fear,
the shadows chant
answers, in exchange
for commitment of the body
to an unseen role,
rewarded with pleasure in lights;
chanting– spooky delving deeper
yesterday is a tail the mouth of tomorrow is swallowing if time is a circle, ergo, today is for consuming as the caterpillar of the leaf, so the self of knowledge. As a chant I think this section could do with a little more monotonous meter to feel like a chant
We were supposed to read
the book I was reading, too many pronouns here about the reading
home together. I’ll look for you
one last time. Sudden ending, I like the vibe of everything but some places are hard for me to form concrete images, I can relate to the yearning, loss and looking, the chant is such a specific portion of the poem, Ill chalk it all up to a dream. Hope this helps!
Thank you for taking the time to leave your thoughtful comments. I'm scared that the opacity of this piece might have caused too much thought, something I'm hoping I could curb with this edit. It's almost a complete overhaul lol. Would love to hear your thoughts, if there's anything lost in this edit that you wish was kept.
Quiet, as the sun leaves everything
in darkening shades, I prefer the original phrasing.
and you are still
nowhere to be seen. Now the "you" seems to be the moon or a particular star.
What else to do but fill in blanks "Read" was blunt, I like "fill in blanks", I'm surprised I'm preferring the intangible.
and listen to the bugs
chirring in the late summer heat. Bring back cicadas, chirring is a nice addition.
You should know
how new these planets are to me,
that I would have so many questions, So, I'm still confused about who the narrator is, who are the planets new to? the earth? the universe? The lines above seemed human.
and night is reaching from the pines, Lovely.
without your patience. Why would the night not have the moon's patience. Here I go, spinning again. While I enjoy reading the lines, can't fill in the blanks.
Today I was yelled at by a man
in front of everyone,
including my teacher.
Mrs. Baugh later pulled me aside.
She said nice things
and hugged me. I thought
I was in more trouble. Her crying
made me cry. Why did I
not feel sadness, until another
felt sadness for me? I don't know what this story is doing here. I feel like "Her crying...sadness for me." is important but maybe tell this in some way that doesn't disrupt the poem so much.
I don't expect an answer,
only that you would appear,
as a parent does. The night's quiet
is already a confusion of answers,
summoned beetles tapping
on a light somewhere,
within what a distant observer
would call a shadow.
What would you call it, this dark shape
no longer mine? I like these lines, mystery within the concrete images. Much is still unclear to me but somehow it's more acceptable to me here. I really liked the chant in the original but somehow don't miss it here.
So, I'd like you to not put too much weight in my confusion, I feel like I'm missing things someone else might get. The original had a tone that is compromised here. I hope you're enjoying working on this one because I'm enjoying the reading. I don't think you're done.
v1 Occultation
Quiet how the sun is leaving me
with shades of color
faded. Shades, too, will disappear
with all my friends
and the adults
and you are still
nowhere to be seen.
What else to do but read.
What else to do but listen to the cicadas
in late summer heat.
You should know
how new the world is to me,
that I would have so many questions
yet the shadows from the pines
are reaching
as if other matters
were more urgent to you.
My long dark shape
a smaller fear,
the shadows chant
answers, in exchange
for commitment of the body
to an unseen role,
rewarded with pleasure in lights;
chanting–
yesterday is a tail the mouth of tomorrow is swallowing if time is a circle, ergo, today is for consuming as the caterpillar of the leaf, so the self of knowledge.
We were supposed to read
the book I was reading,
home together. I’ll look for you
one last time.
(04-28-2026, 06:33 PM)wasellajam Wrote: Hi, alonso, I miss the poem I was having so much trouble with. Maybe a more gentle edit? I'm trying to relate the new poem to the old, let's see.
Quiet, as the sun leaves everything
in darkening shades, I prefer the original phrasing.
and you are still
nowhere to be seen. Now the "you" seems to be the moon or a particular star.
What else to do but fill in blanks "Read" was blunt, I like "fill in blanks", I'm surprised I'm preferring the intangible.
and listen to the bugs
chirring in the late summer heat. Bring back cicadas, chirring is a nice addition.
You should know
how new these planets are to me,
that I would have so many questions, So, I'm still confused about who the narrator is, who are the planets new to? the earth? the universe? The lines above seemed human.
and night is reaching from the pines, Lovely.
without your patience. Why would the night not have the moon's patience. Here I go, spinning again. While I enjoy reading the lines, can't fill in the blanks.
Today I was yelled at by a man
in front of everyone,
including my teacher.
Mrs. Baugh later pulled me aside.
She said nice things
and hugged me. I thought
I was in more trouble. Her crying
made me cry. Why did I
not feel sadness, until another
felt sadness for me? I don't know what this story is doing here. I feel like "Her crying...sadness for me." is important but maybe tell this in some way that doesn't disrupt the poem so much.
I don't expect an answer,
only that you would appear,
as a parent does. The night's quiet
is already a confusion of answers,
summoned beetles tapping
on a light somewhere,
within what a distant observer
would call a shadow.
What would you call it, this dark shape
no longer mine? I like these lines, mystery within the concrete images. Much is still unclear to me but somehow it's more acceptable to me here. I really liked the chant in the original but somehow don't miss it here.
So, I'd like you to not put too much weight in my confusion, I feel like I'm missing things someone else might get. The original had a tone that is compromised here. I hope you're enjoying working on this one because I'm enjoying the reading. I don't think you're done.
v1 Occultation
Quiet how the sun is leaving me
with shades of color
faded. Shades, too, will disappear
with all my friends
and the adults
and you are still
nowhere to be seen.
What else to do but read.
What else to do but listen to the cicadas
in late summer heat.
You should know
how new the world is to me,
that I would have so many questions
yet the shadows from the pines
are reaching
as if other matters
were more urgent to you.
My long dark shape
a smaller fear,
the shadows chant
answers, in exchange
for commitment of the body
to an unseen role,
rewarded with pleasure in lights;
chanting–
yesterday is a tail the mouth of tomorrow is swallowing if time is a circle, ergo, today is for consuming as the caterpillar of the leaf, so the self of knowledge.
We were supposed to read
the book I was reading,
home together. I’ll look for you
one last time.
Hi ella from here on out it'll only be gentle edits. I think I have the poem I want in essence now, and there were parts from the rough draft I liked, so it's probably a matter of finding some compromise between the 2 versions. The thing I wasn't enjoying about the rough draft was that it felt like I was forcing the embodiment of certain qualities in the piece.
The "chanting" movement takes the audience away from the speaker's headspace when that could be spent instead on developing the speaker's thoughts/character. And personally, it was hard to imagine any actual vehicle to imagine the shadows "chanting" through to earn that verb. It was a little contrived imo. I'll find a way to smooth the transition into the 3rd stanza. Ty for sticking around
v3 is up!
