Music and Poetry compositions

[Magpie]

Very good. The melodies are strong on 1 and 3 and I really like the crazy dissonance on the Stravinksyesque one.

Rhythmically there are a lot of similarities between them especially 1 and 3 but over such a small sample this is not a problem, for further pieces it would be good to have some variations on the rhythm.

You've got a good sense of melody lines.

Thanks for sharing.

[Sullivan]

Hey,

I've wrote a music and lyrics, and found a really cheap collab/commission to sing on it. The singer is a young in his 20s his voice reminds me those of Placebo's with Brian Molko.

My song is about my story about a rupture in love with a 44 years old woman when I was 29, 6 years ago.

Thanks.

(Lyrics are on YT comments)





Poll

[wasellajam]

Hey,

I've wrote a music and lyrics, and found a really cheap collab/commission to sing on it. The singer is a young in his 20s, maybe not binary or for LGBT. But I don't mind even if I'm not supporting LGBT and all this crap, because his voice reminds me those of Placebo's with Brian Molko, which had some gay songs too.

My song is not gay, it's my story about a rupture in love with a 44 years old woman when I was 29, 6 years ago. If the voice sounds too much effeminate to make the song good, please do tell me, I'll try to find another singer. And can you vote/comment sincerly or frankly on this poll about this single?

Thanks.
https://www.pigpenpoetry.com/thread-27156.html

I find your comment on whether or not your work sounds too gay bizarre. Since when is a person's art judged on their sexual orientation. Personally I find this comment offensive, but it's always good to see a poster's true colors. My hope is that this thread can now fade away as all WTF threads do.

[Sullivan]

Hey,

I've wrote a music and lyrics, and found a really cheap collab/commission to sing on it. The singer is a young in his 20s, maybe not binary or for LGBT. But I don't mind even if I'm not supporting LGBT and all this crap, because his voice reminds me those of Placebo's with Brian Molko, which had some gay songs too.

My song is not gay, it's my story about a rupture in love with a 44 years old woman when I was 29, 6 years ago. If the voice sounds too much effeminate to make the song good, please do tell me, I'll try to find another singer. And can you vote/comment sincerly or frankly on this poll about this single?

Thanks.
https://www.pigpenpoetry.com/thread-27156.html

I find your comment on whether or not your work sounds too gay bizarre. Since when is a person's art judged on their sexual orientation. Personally I find this comment offensive, but it's always good to see a poster's true colors. My hope is that this thread can now fade away as all WTF threads do.

Ah I'm sorry, I didn't meant to be offensive, even I've been told by a friend that [color=oklab(0.952693 0.000792831 -0.00253612)]a lot of amazing vocalists and singers have been gay throughout history. for example Queen's Freddie Mercury, Judas Priest's Rob Halford, Ricky Martin, and Elton John... and all of them were great singers, I replied  that, Yeah I know, even Simone Salvatori from Spiritual Front is gay, even if in contrast he have a very powerful voice and is a BDSM punk doing workout. I thought my message was transparent and didn't meant to sound aggressive or "WTF", Spiritual Front is a band I loved so much for years and was one of my favorites of the Industrial scene, but when I added him on medias he is being very cruel about religion and politics and I don't need violence in my space, since then I quit Industrial music listening and making, I still listen to KMFDM which is my new favorite Industrial band since their last release ENEMY.[/color]

[color=oklab(0.952693 0.000792831 -0.00253612)]Btw this is my fav Spiritual Front song, I have nothing agaisnt LGBT or gays, I just don't want to feed it.[/color]
[color=oklab(0.952693 0.000792831 -0.00253612)][/color]

[color=oklab(0.952693 0.000792831 -0.00253612)]I'm sorry I apologize I'm sincerly asking to be forgiven, I shouldn't had to ask if it sounds too effeminate, this argument has no point, I do enjoy his voice and that's it. And btw the guy is very nice, he don't ask much as payment, he worked and trusted me that I will pay him next monday, giving me permission to publish the song and distribute it before he got paid, and is open for more collab with me, which I really appreciate.[/color]

edit: and I asked about if it's too effeminate because the same friend tought it was a girl singing, which was bothering me then. I mean, my question and my opinion was just because of this fact, which made me doubting and sounding aggressive.

[Sullivan]

Oh well.

I wrote this in 5-10 minutes. I had someone asking me to write lyrics for on a music forum, but they been a misunderdtanding from an other user so I took a 10 days break off the forum.

I recontacted for the commission, hoping he is still ok to collab.

Here is my lyrics:

Metaphysics

Déchiquetez moi maintenant
Car j'ai péché grand
Dénudez mon âme
Que vous soyez homme ou femme

Les jours de pluies me rassasient
Car ici-bas il y a de jolies filles
Les jours de soleil m'émerveillent
Car j'y reste sans être en veille

J'suis pas solo dans cette histoire
Pour un pourboire allez au boudoir
Mais allez vous faire voir
Si se n'est pas pour ce soir

Déchiquetez moi maintenant
Car j'ai péché grand
Dénudez mon âme
Que vous soyez homme ou femme

Les jours de nuit, c'est finit
Je pense avoir trouvé la bonne fille
Le taff, le temps
Sans faire semblant

Sans être solo dans cette histoire
Pour un pourboire il faut y croire
Mais nous attendons ce soir
Voir si c'est pour se voir

Les jours de pluies me rassasient
Car ici-bas il y a de jolies filles
Les jours de soleil m'émerveillent
Car j'y reste sans être en veille

Et puis, le ciel c'est pas pour faire beau:
Un medium pour ne plus être solo

---------------

In English:

Tear me to pieces now
For I have sinned greatly
Strip my soul bare
Whether you are man or woman

Rainy days satisfy me
For down here there are pretty girls
Sunny days amaze me
For I stay awake

Without being solo in this story
For a tip, go to the boudoir
But get lost
If it's not for tonight

Tear me to pieces now
For I have sinned greatly
Strip my soul bare
Whether you are man or woman

The night days are over
I think I've found the right girl
The job, the time
Without pretending

Without being solo in this story
For a tip, you have to believe in it
But we're waiting for tonight
To see if it's to see each other

Rainy days satisfy me
For down here there are pretty girls
Sunny days amaze me
For I stay awake

And besides, the sky isn't just for making things pretty:
A medium to leave the solo state.

[Magpie]

it makes me   and somewhat   that there isn't a scream emoji

critique someone else's poem and then put it in the critique forum and it will definitely be read

if that's what you want


who's next???

[Sullivan]

Ah yeah, I shall post in critique forum next one. And sorry for the rukus I know it can enervate some people but it wasn't my intention.

[Tiger the Lion]

Ah yeah, I shall post in critique forum next one. And sorry for the rukus I know it can enervate some people but it wasn't my intention.

Sullivan, You will notice Magpie suggested you "critique someone else's poem" first. You have 46 replies to this thread and have yet to share a single thought on other's work. If you wish to be a part of this community only slightly more than zero reciprocity is required. This thread is closed while you think it over. 
- Admin