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03-15-2024, 03:35 AM
(This post was last modified: 03-16-2024, 02:57 AM by TranquillityBase.)
Papaver rhoeas
Her flowers bloom:
the poppies
luminous red flesh
deny winter’s bones.
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(03-15-2024, 03:35 AM)TranquillityBase Wrote: Papaver rhoeas
Her flowers bloom:
the poppy’s
illuminated red flesh
denies winter’s bones.
This is well done (i'm holding Flanders and Afghan poppies at arm's length to avoid harshing its optimistic spirit).
I do catch myself subconsciously hunting for a word in place of "illuminated." Luminous? Supernaturally, for the syllable count? I get the picture - brightness on account of purity, a high spring Sun, and background of bony white snow-leavings. Just a thought for a place to look when editing if desired. Newborn baby's red face?
Non-practicing atheist
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(03-15-2024, 03:35 AM)TranquillityBase Wrote: Papaver rhoeas
Her flowers bloom:
the poppy’s
illuminated red flesh
denies winter’s bones.
Hi TqB,
I agree, this is well done. I do like Duke's 'luminous'. Fits the rhythm of the last two lines. 'Her' makes me realize I need to research the title!
This is good.
Bryn
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(03-15-2024, 11:20 AM)brynmawr1 Wrote: (03-15-2024, 03:35 AM)TranquillityBase Wrote: Papaver rhoeas
Her flowers bloom:
the poppy’s
illuminated red flesh
denies winter’s bones.
Hi TqB,
I agree, this is well done. I do like Duke's 'luminous'. Fits the rhythm of the last two lines. And maybe denying rather than denies. 'Her' makes me realize I need to research the title!
This is good.
Bryn
Posts: 894
Threads: 176
Joined: Jan 2021
Thanks Duke and Bryn. I agree about "luminous".
The title was simply a way not to give away the subject of the poem too soon.