Numb Puddle: Reflections

[Bunx]

Numb Puddle:
Reflections

numb, on a sidewalk
knees in arms
staring

at nothing
could be anything
my thoughts would be the same.

who am I?
loving?

forgiving?

is worth feeling good?
growth,
knowing pain?

knees shake,
fingers knit tightly together.

lethargy remains.
waiting for tears.

stuck
on a sidewalk.
numb
staring at the reflection
looking back from the puddle.

nothing is changing
everything is the same.

[Semicircle]

numb, sitting on a sidewalk wouldn't need this since you say in the next line that you have your knees in your arms.
knees in your arms
staring
at nothing
could be anything
the thoughts would be the same.

who are you is
loving?

forgiving?

is worth feeling good?
growth,
knowing pain?

your knees shake,
fingers knit tightly together  I think you should decide between knit or clinch. Both is overkill.
clinching.

lethargy remains.
waiting for the feeling   This could be shortenned down to "Lethargy waits for tears" which is somewhat bland but gets to the point quicker.
of tears.

stuck sitting and staring
on a sidewalk.
numb
staring at a puddle
caused by rain.
nothing is changing
everything is the same.

I feel like you could leave out the pronoun "you" for brevity, since the poem isn't addressing anyone in particular and it gives off a sense of depersonalization.

My interpretation is that the main character is staring at themselves in a puddle. Seeing nothing. Maybe a passage of time between the beginning and end when they return to the puddle and see nothing has changed from then and now.

I appreciate the sentiment, and hope you are doing well Bunx!
Cheers for the read
Sc.

[Tiger the Lion]

numb, sitting on a sidewalk
knees in your arms
staring
at nothing
could be anything
the thoughts would be the same.

who are you
loving?

forgiving?

is worth feeling good?
growth,
knowing pain?

your knees shake,
fingers knit tightly together
clinching.

lethargy remains.
waiting for the feeling
of tears.

stuck sitting and staring
on a sidewalk.
numb
staring at puddle
caused by rain.
nothing is changing
everything is the same.

Sometimes, we try so hard to be poetic we say things like "staring at a puddle caused by rain", when we meant to say "staring at a rain puddle." I agree with SC that there is something here, but some chopping of words would help. It has an understated melancholy that could work really well if it got a good shave.

[Bunx]

Semicircle and Tiger
Thank you so much for the thought and helpful feed, I took the suggestion and added some more I thought of after the fact.
Semi-
I am doing really solid, working on my next record for my band Rob Travolta / planning a late fall tour for the band.
The theme of this poem is pondering progression. How growth can become blurred when you find yourself in the same life situations.
How dealing with the same issues can cause one to be numb to them

Tiger- I appreciate the thoughts aton! I agree sometimes saying what you want to in a concise way is better then putting on the I think I am a poet hat, and being fancy.
Hope you're well!!