Lines Composed on a Near Pristine Day, Reflected in a Spoon

[Brian Roberts]

Lines composed on a near-pristine day, reflected in a spoon

Bandit breezes, a tinge wealthier now
Having made off with encores of your fragrance-
Invisible You's: contracted no doubt
in some protracted embrace or in
appropriations of skin by the other.

Out there, taut, parted in red-sea fashion,
the rows of a virgin garden tilled for
the ambition of tomatoes and corn,
not remains of our fling, flung motionless,
like a prize baby-doll flailed till faceless.
My rupturing hands mold sadness in haste.

[Poetry In Motion]

I think this piece has some interesting lines: mostly like this one.

not remains of our fling, flung motionless,
like a prize baby-doll flailed till faceless.
My rupturing hands mold sadness in haste.

I really like those lines. I also find that you use too many intricate words. You also have to be careful of alliterations: what does bandit breezes mean? I also find that you need to work on your meaning because I could not grasp what this poem was about.

Anyway thanks for sharing.

[TranquillityBase]

Lines composed on a near-pristine day, reflected in a spoon

Bandit breezes, a tinge wealthier now
Having made off with encores of your fragrance-
Invisible You's: contracted no doubt                      condensed?   (contracted/protracted seems a bit much to me)
in some protracted embrace or in
appropriations of skin by the other.

Out there, taut, parted in red-sea fashion,
the rows of a virgin garden tilled for
the ambition of tomatoes and corn,                    drop the comma
not remains of our fling, flung motionless,            I'd insert a the before remains
like a prize baby-doll flailed till faceless.
My rupturing hands mold sadness in haste.            don't understand this line; why or what are your hands rupturing; in fact, I think it could be cut

Enjoyed this one, wonderful title, a few suggestions.
TqB

[Semicircle]

Lines composed on a near-pristine day, reflected in a spoon

Bandit breezes, a tinge wealthier now  Favorite line
Having made off with encores of your fragrance-
Invisible You's: contracted no doubt
in some protracted embrace or in
appropriations of skin by the other.

Out there, taut, parted in red-sea fashion, You start losing me in the second stanza.
the rows of a virgin garden tilled for
the ambition of tomatoes and corn,
not remains of our fling, flung motionless,
like a prize baby-doll flailed till faceless.
My rupturing hands mold sadness in haste. 

The images presented in this poem are surreal like
I may not understand them, but they are pleasent.
I'm not sure if I would enjoy it more or less
if I understood it at all.
The nature of it's strangeness
is what makes it so enjoyable
for me at least.

[Xlateralus]

Lines composed on a near-pristine day, reflected in a spoon

Bandit breezes, a tinge wealthier now
Having made off with encores of your fragrance-
Invisible You's: contracted no doubt
in some protracted embrace or in
appropriations of skin by the other.

Out there, taut, parted in red-sea fashion,
the rows of a virgin garden tilled for
the ambition of tomatoes and corn,
not remains of our fling, flung motionless,
like a prize baby-doll flailed till faceless.
My rupturing hands mold sadness in haste.

Could be that I’m reading this wrong but seems like speaker is reminded of his fling, who is the arms of another man. But the last two lines don’t play well.

If your relationship was a fling, how could it be a prized baby-doll flailed till faceless…. And the last line I can’t seem to make since up. Domestic violency ..