Sea of people

[Semicircle]

You can tread on us 
in our abundance.
some aren't stable-
watch your step now.

We coagulate underfoot,
falling away without sound
back into a struggling ocean
that clamors to support your feet.

You're running full sprint, trying to escape 
ascending higher and higher, cresting the peek of your wave
reduced to a needle piercing clouds.

[Stash]

You can tread us, 
in our abundance.
some aren't stable-
watch your step now.

We coagulate underfoot,
falling away without sound
back into a struggling ocean
that clamors to support your feet.

You're running full sprint, trying to escape 
ascending higher and higher, cresting the peek of your wave
reduced to a needle slicing at clouds.

We understand, it's hard up there
and there is no escaping us,
so come down please,
settle the ocean,
find peace,
die.

I like this work. There are some grammatical errors. Should 'you can tread us' be written as 'you can tread on us'? I liked the line, 'falling away without sound'. As I feel it to be visual in written expression. 'reduced to a needle slicing at clouds' seems to be a little confusing, don't needles pierce? I think this is all the critique I have to offer.

[Semicircle]

Thank you stash, I will adjust accordingly.

Welcome to the pen!

[Xlateralus]

You can tread on us 
in our abundance.
some aren't stable-
watch your step now.

We coagulate underfoot,
falling away without sound
back into a struggling ocean
that clamors to support your feet.

You're running full sprint, trying to escape 
ascending higher and higher, cresting the peek of your wave
reduced to a needle piercing clouds.

We understand, it's hard up there
and there is no escaping us,
so come down please.
Settle the ocean,
find peace,
die.

I will just provide some overall comments. I think the opening stanza is too abstract. There is a lot of us our you your. I can’t make out who us is or what is in it for the subject to listen to us or why us wants the subject to die while telling him to settle the ocean and watch his step. Why are we plural, significant to the poem.

Surely the subject is the ocean to some extent, at least his emotions. And the imagery of death stilling an ocean of emotion is interesting, but it needs to be culled from the pronouns.

[TranquillityBase]

You can tread on us 
in our abundance.
some aren't stable-
watch your step now.

We coagulate underfoot,
falling away without sound
back into a struggling ocean
that clamors to support your feet.

You're running full sprint, trying to escape 
ascending higher and higher, cresting the peek of your wave
reduced to a needle piercing clouds.

We understand, it's hard up there
and there is no escaping us,
so come down please.
Settle the ocean,
find peace,
die.

Very interesting poem.  For me, it comes to a climax with the lines of stanza 3, my favorite lines in the poem.  I don't quite get the final stanza.  Perhaps it's the use of pronouns that Xlaterus mentions, or perhaps it's just not needed.  I read it as the ocean being something else besides a body of water, though it could be that.

[Semicircle]

My title was probably what was confusing with the pronouns.

There, I think that might explain it.

[Xlateralus]

Actually I didn’t see the title… I see it’s the title of the topic now though.