Scaredy Cat (Witness v2)
#1
People say 
cats leave when they know 
it's the end. 

To hide.  
To not want to witness 
what the end does 
to those we love. 

Unable to see our own wake. 
Cowardly, maybe. 

People say to cower is to weaken, but
is a coward such a bad thing,
In the end?

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Original

Witness 

People say 
Cats leave when they know 
Its the end. 

To not want witness. 
To not want to witness 
what the end does 
To those we love. 

Cowardly, maybe. 

Is a coward such a bad thing,
In the end? 

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hello again all, its been a long time. a quick one for now. this is my first foray into line breaks in a long while (i had a slam phase), so any wisdom there is particularly appreciated, though all critique is welcome. Thanks!
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#2
I really like this poem, both of my mom's 20 year old cats died this year and the second one ran away and disappeared to die. I don't mind the simplicity or repetitions. Coward like a 'scaredy cat'. The repetition of coward makes me relate it to a person nearing their end, to a degree I want more to read but I also appreciate where my mind is able to go without too many details. Maybe if the beginning has 'people say' about cats, you could include what 'people say' about cowards. How do they say it's bad in a commonly understood phrase?
Peanut butter honey banana sandwiches
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#3
Hi micah,
your poem made me consider the notion of cowardice.
Is it really cowardly to spare the suffering of loved ones?
Surely it’s more painful to die alone?
A cat with the heart of a lion.
Just my take on it though and a reflective read
Thanks
Newbie
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#4
Hi micah,

I think this poem should go deeper.

I found this quote about the subject:  "Cats hide in solitude when they are gravely ill. In the wild, a dying cat instinctively understands that they are more vulnerable to predators. Hiding is a way to protect themselves."

Puts a new spin on it, doesn't it?

You could still retain your ending, but specify it's us humans who are the cowards about death.  I remember reading once that one of the things that distinguish us from the animal world is we know we are going to die.  Animals do not (I don't know if this is scientifically proven).

Just some thoughts, if you are interested in exploring this in more detail in your poem.
"Poetry is the rhythmic, inevitably narrative, movement from an overclothed blindness to a naked vision."  Dylan Thomas
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#5
(06-05-2021, 08:40 PM)TranquillityBase Wrote:  Hi micah,

I think this poem should go deeper.

I found this quote about the subject:  "Cats hide in solitude when they are gravely ill. In the wild, a dying cat instinctively understands that they are more vulnerable to predators. Hiding is a way to protect themselves."

Puts a new spin on it, doesn't it?

You could still retain your ending, but specify it's us humans who are the cowards about death.  I remember reading once that one of the things that distinguish us from the animal world is we know we are going to die.  Animals do not (I don't know if this is scientifically proven).

Just some thoughts, if you are interested in exploring this in more detail in your poem.

That does indeed put a different spin on it, thank you for finding that. I think there are two forms of protecting yourself. The cat way, in a bodily harm sense, and in the human way, protection from the guilt of harming others. Its a complicated thing...I will definitely think on this more and try to put it into my poem.

(06-05-2021, 03:55 AM)newbie Wrote:  Hi micah,
your poem made me consider the notion of cowardice.
Is it really cowardly to spare the suffering of loved ones?
Surely it’s more painful to die alone?
A cat with the heart of a lion.
Just my take on it though and a reflective read
Thanks
Newbie

Im happy to hear your take on it! Those were the things I was considering as i wrote it, so its nice to hear some of that got across Smile

(06-04-2021, 05:34 AM)CRNDLSM Wrote:  I really like this poem, both of my mom's 20 year old cats died this year and the second one ran away and disappeared to die.  I don't mind the simplicity or repetitions.  Coward like a 'scaredy cat'.  The repetition of coward makes me relate it to a person nearing their end, to a degree I want more to read but I also appreciate where my mind is able to go without too many details.  Maybe if the beginning has 'people say' about cats, you could include what 'people say' about cowards.  How do they say it's bad in a commonly understood phrase?

Thank you for the feedback! I think the idea of adding a "people say" about cowardice would be nice, especially if i find a way to put Tranquillity's suggestions in as well. I will think on this more!
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#6
Hi micah,
wondered about CRNDLSM's "scaredy cat" for a title?
(You've rather a lot of 'witnesses')

Best, Knot
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#7
(06-06-2021, 09:51 PM)Knot Wrote:  Hi micah,
wondered about CRNDLSM's "scaredy cat" for a title?
(You've rather a lot of 'witnesses')

Best, Knot

This is a great idea! thank you Smile the edited version is up now
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#8
Really like this new version and the added line.  I think it glides easily from cats to humans in its sentiments, at least as I read it.
"Poetry is the rhythmic, inevitably narrative, movement from an overclothed blindness to a naked vision."  Dylan Thomas
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