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People say
cats leave when they know
it's the end.
To hide.
To not want to witness
what the end does
to those we love.
Unable to see our own wake.
Cowardly, maybe.
People say to cower is to weaken, but
is a coward such a bad thing,
In the end?
------------------------------------------------------------
Original
Witness
People say
Cats leave when they know
Its the end.
To not want witness.
To not want to witness
what the end does
To those we love.
Cowardly, maybe.
Is a coward such a bad thing,
In the end?
--------------------------------
hello again all, its been a long time. a quick one for now. this is my first foray into line breaks in a long while (i had a slam phase), so any wisdom there is particularly appreciated, though all critique is welcome. Thanks!
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I really like this poem, both of my mom's 20 year old cats died this year and the second one ran away and disappeared to die. I don't mind the simplicity or repetitions. Coward like a 'scaredy cat'. The repetition of coward makes me relate it to a person nearing their end, to a degree I want more to read but I also appreciate where my mind is able to go without too many details. Maybe if the beginning has 'people say' about cats, you could include what 'people say' about cowards. How do they say it's bad in a commonly understood phrase?
Peanut butter honey banana sandwiches
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Hi micah,
your poem made me consider the notion of cowardice.
Is it really cowardly to spare the suffering of loved ones?
Surely it’s more painful to die alone?
A cat with the heart of a lion.
Just my take on it though and a reflective read
Thanks
Newbie
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Hi micah,
I think this poem should go deeper.
I found this quote about the subject: "Cats hide in solitude when they are gravely ill. In the wild, a dying cat instinctively understands that they are more vulnerable to predators. Hiding is a way to protect themselves."
Puts a new spin on it, doesn't it?
You could still retain your ending, but specify it's us humans who are the cowards about death. I remember reading once that one of the things that distinguish us from the animal world is we know we are going to die. Animals do not (I don't know if this is scientifically proven).
Just some thoughts, if you are interested in exploring this in more detail in your poem.
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(06-05-2021, 08:40 PM)TranquillityBase Wrote: Hi micah,
I think this poem should go deeper.
I found this quote about the subject: "Cats hide in solitude when they are gravely ill. In the wild, a dying cat instinctively understands that they are more vulnerable to predators. Hiding is a way to protect themselves."
Puts a new spin on it, doesn't it?
You could still retain your ending, but specify it's us humans who are the cowards about death. I remember reading once that one of the things that distinguish us from the animal world is we know we are going to die. Animals do not (I don't know if this is scientifically proven).
Just some thoughts, if you are interested in exploring this in more detail in your poem.
That does indeed put a different spin on it, thank you for finding that. I think there are two forms of protecting yourself. The cat way, in a bodily harm sense, and in the human way, protection from the guilt of harming others. Its a complicated thing...I will definitely think on this more and try to put it into my poem.
(06-05-2021, 03:55 AM)newbie Wrote: Hi micah,
your poem made me consider the notion of cowardice.
Is it really cowardly to spare the suffering of loved ones?
Surely it’s more painful to die alone?
A cat with the heart of a lion.
Just my take on it though and a reflective read
Thanks
Newbie
Im happy to hear your take on it! Those were the things I was considering as i wrote it, so its nice to hear some of that got across 
(06-04-2021, 05:34 AM)CRNDLSM Wrote: I really like this poem, both of my mom's 20 year old cats died this year and the second one ran away and disappeared to die. I don't mind the simplicity or repetitions. Coward like a 'scaredy cat'. The repetition of coward makes me relate it to a person nearing their end, to a degree I want more to read but I also appreciate where my mind is able to go without too many details. Maybe if the beginning has 'people say' about cats, you could include what 'people say' about cowards. How do they say it's bad in a commonly understood phrase?
Thank you for the feedback! I think the idea of adding a "people say" about cowardice would be nice, especially if i find a way to put Tranquillity's suggestions in as well. I will think on this more!
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Hi micah,
wondered about CRNDLSM's "scaredy cat" for a title?
(You've rather a lot of 'witnesses')
Best, Knot
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(06-06-2021, 09:51 PM)Knot Wrote: Hi micah,
wondered about CRNDLSM's "scaredy cat" for a title?
(You've rather a lot of 'witnesses')
Best, Knot
This is a great idea! thank you the edited version is up now
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Really like this new version and the added line. I think it glides easily from cats to humans in its sentiments, at least as I read it.
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(06-03-2021, 08:45 PM)micah3801 Wrote: People say
cats leave when they know
it's the end.
To hide.
To not want to witness (If it were me with this sentence and the one above, I'd try to give full sentences. That's just me personally, though)
what the end does
to those we love.
Unable to see our own wake. (I think this would sound better if it was a full sentence, as well)
Cowardly, maybe.
People say to cower is to weaken, but
is a coward such a bad thing,
In the end?
------------------------------------------------------------
Original
Witness
People say
Cats leave when they know
Its the end.
To not want witness.
To not want to witness
what the end does
To those we love.
Cowardly, maybe.
Is a coward such a bad thing,
In the end?
--------------------------------
hello again all, its been a long time. a quick one for now. this is my first foray into line breaks in a long while (i had a slam phase), so any wisdom there is particularly appreciated, though all critique is welcome. Thanks!
I like the mirror between cats and humans and how the cat wants to hide away when they're dying and we as humans often do the same. Last year I had a friend who was dying of cancer and he just ghosted me. I think it was his way of wanting to save me from the pain of seeing what it was doing to him. I understood it but I felt it would have been less painful for me to be there for him. It wounds me knowing that this is probably how he felt. A good poem, while incredibly heart wrenching.
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One thing that confuses me: are you referring to the cats leaving to cower as in like street slang or just how it sounds?
You know like, "All these cats and I hangin' in the alleyways." Like Lord Buckley, if you are familiar.
I know it is probably the latter but I think that could be a subtle touch to your writing here.
At least, it would make more sense to me.
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