He Still Enjoys Christmas

[Richard]

He Still Enjoys Christmas

She used to hum about reindeer
in October, place Santa hats
on helpless jack-o-lanterns,
homemade eggnog in the fridge.
It was when her Christmas pants
were tight enough for him to notice,
she didn't wake up on Boxing Day alone.

Today, she thinks of Rudolph
having to overdose because of the bullies,
the mall Santa hourly.
He left her on New Year's Eve
for someone named Candy Cane.
She disliked irony after that.
She hadn't learned to hate yet:
positive pregnancy test negated
by unanswered phone calls
(no appropriate emoji),
his half of the abortion unpaid.

[billy]

completely different completely likable though a bit sad. the last line clinches the pain of it all. showing he didn't really care at all. nicely done.

He Still Enjoys Christmas

She used to hum about reindeer
in October, place Santa hats
on helpless jack-o-lanterns,
homemade eggnog in the fridge. solid opening so far.
It was when her Christmas pants
were tight enough for him to notice, what about a semi- colon
she didn't wake up on Boxing Day alone.

Today, she thinks of Rudolph
having to overdose because of the bullies,
the mall Santa hourly. for me this line makes me falter, could just be me but i'm wondering what [the mall santa hour] is and why it doesn't sound okay
He left her on New Year's Eve
for someone named Candy Cane.
She disliked irony after that.
She hadn't learned to hate yet:
positive pregnancy test negated
by unanswered phone calls
(no appropriate emoji),
his half of the abortion unpaid.

[dukealien]

He Still Enjoys Christmas

She used to hum about reindeer
in October, place Santa hats
on helpless jack-o-lanterns, could use a word implying time-expired ("aging?") instead of "helpless."
homemade eggnog in the fridge.
It was when her Christmas pants
were tight enough for him to notice,
she didn't wake up on Boxing Day alone. to eliminate the very slight chance of interpreting this as "she ddn't wake up at all on Boxing Day, unlike other days," "alone" might go between "up" and "on" - but "alone" has more impact at the end.  So stet, really.

Today, she thinks of Rudolph
having to overdose because of the bullies,  "having to" is a little weak... something like simply "overdosing" instead?
the mall Santa hourly.
He left her on New Year's Eve
for someone named Candy Cane.
She disliked irony after that.  very good line
She hadn't learned to hate yet:
positive pregnancy test negated  maybe a bit too telegraphic... start line with something like "joy of..." to give emotional background
by unanswered phone calls
(no appropriate emoji),
his half of the abortion unpaid. Brings the hammer down at the end.  Very good.

Slice of life with Christmas (or perhaps [e]Xmas) trimmings, very neatly done.

In moderate critique, I can find very little wrong with this one.  The above comments are almost entirely suggestions, feel myself reaching.

About the title:  it's one the reader has to look back at rather than forward from.  This is not bad, but leaves me a little dissatisfied; not sure why.  It's such a good story.

[nozaki]

He Still Enjoys Christmas

She used to hum about reindeer
in October, place Santa hats
on helpless jack-o-lanterns, 
homemade eggnog in the fridge.
It was when her Christmas pants
were tight enough for him to notice, -personal preference but I would replace the comma with a connector like 'that' 
she didn't wake up on Boxing Day alone. -aw 

Today, she thinks of Rudolph
having to overdose because of the bullies, -you could cut having to, so just 'overdosing [on what?... snow cocaine... ] 
the mall Santa hourly.
He left her on New Year's Eve
for someone named Candy Cane. -i think you could cut someone named. 
She disliked irony after that. -for me, this line falls a bit flat on its own. maybe 'avoided' instead of disliked
She hadn't learned to hate yet: 
positive pregnancy test negated -negated seems odd choice here? but I'm probably missing the point. 
by unanswered phone calls
(no appropriate emoji),
his half of the abortion unpaid. -love this ending. 

didnt really glance up at the title until i got to the end of the poem. that was a punch.

[Richard]

Hey billy, duke, and nozaki,
Thanks for the feedback. I was worried this was one was a bit too different and sad, but it's good to hear that those aspects were appreciated.

Thanks again,
Richard

[Ally]

Hi Richard,

I think I might be a bit late to this one, but I wanted you to know that I really enjoyed reading it.

I do like your 'helpless jack-o-lanterns'. I get the impression they're a bit peeved about the Santa hats and they'd very much prefer top hats or even witch hats, pleasantly sinister.

Is 'the mall Santa hourly' something else she thinks about, as well as Rudolph? I stumbled here, but I expect my reading's off. I like the contrasting views of Christmas, rose-tinted and grey. It is a bit different and sad, but I like that.

Best wishes,
Ally

[Richard]

Hey Ally,
Thanks for the feedback. I should try to edit this one before Christmas, given its subject matter,

Thanks again,
Richard

[Ally]

You're welcome, Richard :-)