Canarsie

[homer1950]

Faceless doors and
grimy dry windows 
loom above 
cracked sidewalks

The old corner store
longs for warm bodies

The "L" roars past
like a jackhammer,

Ah, the noise

[burrealist]

Minimalist poetry is great! I like simplicity, but since I'm easy-to-please, I don't think I have a working knowledge of what acceptable minimalism would be.

Faceless doors and I read about "anti-poetry" where people deliberately threw poetic devices away. Some anarchists like to end lines with conjunctions. Why did you choose to do this? I'm not picking up on the importance of "and". You could probably get away with "Faceless doors" standing alone and moving the conjunction down a line. That will open the door for others to critique the simplicity of this opening line. I think a "door" serves as a good opening.    And it's faceless, so that's cool too. Doors are commonly faceless- what are you actually saying?
grimy dry windows 
hover above 
cracked sidewalks
This is some run-down neighborhood. When I think of grime, I think of slime, and I don't think that dry windows can be grimy. That is only my understanding. 

The old corner store
longs for warm bodies
This corner store is the run-down building described above? So you're connecting things well. I have a hard time connecting my images when I write. I'm satisfied with your choices. 

The "L" roars past
like a jackhammer,
You've opened with a four-line stanza and then moved to two stanzas of two lines each. Is a sense of division what you intended to get across?

Ah, the noise An interesting way to end this with a sound of satisfaction. You must be happy with the run-down nature of everything described, and maybe have some emotional connection to this place. I like that you're leaving it open to interpretation, despite how ambiguous it is.

[nibbed]

Faceless doors and
grimy dry windows 
hover above                                   my only critique...hover?
cracked sidewalks                            ;

The old corner store
longs for warm bodies                      .

The "L" roars past
like a jackhammer,

Ah, the noise                                   !



nice poem. I do sense a gray
and a run down, old neighborhood...
but the noise means it's not dead

blessings to you                                  

[Richard]

Hey homer1950,
This poem has some nice language use in it. I've never been anywhere close to New York, so please bear with me as I try to interpret this. I'll go into greater detail below:

Faceless doors and
grimy dry windows 
hover above 
cracked sidewalks -I don't have a whole lot to suggest about the wording in this stanza that hasn't already been said by others. The one thing I do wonder about is that I find that this description could apply to any rundown neighborhood. I'm wondering if that was your intention, or did you have something in mind that was going to be more specific to Canarsie?

The old corner store
longs for warm bodies -I love the personification here. It makes me imagine the store being like a morgue. This is just wonderful imagery.

The "L" roars past
like a jackhammer, -I like this simile. I can't help but wonder though, did you choose to make a comparison to a jackhammer because it could be used to repair things like a cracked sidewalk?

Ah, the noise-Is this referring to the the noise of the subway or of the people getting off the subway? I ask that question because the first stanza makes this neighborhood sound almost abandoned, and the solution to that would be people.  

Overall, I enjoyed this poem. Thank you for sharing it.

Cheers,
Richard

[Szczepan]

Faceless doors and  <<< it's amazing how the neighborhoods of NY can have such a sense of anonymity and community at the same time. If there’s any way you can weave in these 2 polar opposites, I think the overall feeling might improve.
grimy dry windows
hover above
cracked sidewalks  <<< see comment below

The old corner store
longs for warm bodies  <<< I got that business is going bad ....

The "L" roars past
like a jackhammer,  <<< worked for me in tying the lines since it references back to the cracked sidewalks in sort of an subconscious way

Ah, the noise
- - - - - -
Tried to grow-up in Jersey and have spent lots of time in NYC and its boroughs. So, this one struck a chord.

[homer1950]

Szczepan thank you for you insightful comments they are much appreciated.

[billy]

hi homer, enjoyed this one but have  a couple of thoughts on it; i think you captured the dereliction of the area pretty well. i'm presuming Canarsie is the "name'" of the place i'd have like to have know what the larger area was, new york perhaps?

Faceless doors and
grimy dry windows 
loom above 
cracked sidewalks solid start though cracked sidewalks has been used quite a bit, a suggestion would be [word of choice] sidewalks

The old corner store
longs for warm bodies this couplet along with faceless doors sets the tone well

The "L" roars past is "L" a train? i think so in which case it's a good simile
like a jackhammer,

Ah, the noise, i'm in two minds about this last line., though hanging on the side of liking it. i like it because i can see it in two lights. the noise of the train or the lack of noise being missed nostalgically.