ellipsis

[nibbed]

. . .


Words require space
and clues float into place,

but please remember to score
the proper number of marks:

ellipsis.








first revision

Ellipsis

Moments require a pause
and clues will float into space,

but please
remember to place
the proper number of marks

. . .







ORIGINAL

. . .


Moments require a pause
and clues will float into space,

but please
remember to leave
the proper number of marks:

ellipsis.

[The Four-Eyed Cat]

Brilliant! The only thing i'd change, is swap the title out for Ellipsis and the colon for ". . ." ,(and perhaps number into amount) aside from that it's just lovely! Thanks for sharing this with us, Janine!

[nibbed]

thank you four-eyed cat for your comments to my poem.
I was thinking about removing some of the punctuation
but wasn't sure. It is certainly something to consider.
Have a wonderful evening.


nibbed

[vagabond]

. . .


Moments require a pause
and clues will float into space,

but please
remember to leave
the proper number of marks:

ellipsis.

a good thought shaped into a poem.
I´d omitt the last line and make "ellipsis" the title (mysterious enough for me, had to look the word up).
maybe also write "place" instead of "leave"   (just my obsession with rhymes)

[nibbed]

. . .


Moments require a pause
and clues will float into space,

but please
remember to leave
the proper number of marks:

ellipsis.

a good thought shaped into a poem.
I´d omitt the last line and make "ellipsis" the title (mysterious enough for me, had to look the word up).
maybe also write "place" instead of "leave"   (just my obsession with rhymes)

Hi vagabond,

Sorry it took so long for me to reply to your comment. Thank you so much for considering the read.
I appreciate your comments.

nibbed

[Tiger the Lion]

Hello Janine. I've looked at this a few times. The title is much better now IMO. I don't like to encroach too heavily on other's work, but something occurred to me I thought I'd share...

ellipsis


Moments require a pause
and clues will float into space,

but please
remember to place
the proper number of marks

. . .

if you said something like " please remember to mark them appropriately" you might add a layer of meaning. - Mark the moment, mark the pause. Just a thought. Your poem. 

Thanks for the read,
Paul





ORIGINAL

. . .


Moments require a pause
and clues will float into space,

but please
remember to leave
the proper number of marks:

ellipsis.

[nibbed]

hi tiger the lion
thank you kindly for considering
my poem. I will see how your
suggestion works out. That seems
a rightful idea.
Have a wonderful day.
nibbed

[RiverNotch]

would consider eliminating the title altogether, since it gives the game away for me.

also, jumping off of tiger's suggestion, just remove the fifth: "but please remember / to mark". the ellipsis at the end already says "appropriately", "the proper number of", etc, and leaving it as I suggested may emphasize the many meanings.

[nibbed]

would consider eliminating the title altogether, since it gives the game away for me.

also, jumping off of tiger's suggestion, just remove the fifth: "but please remember / to mark". the ellipsis at the end already says "appropriately", "the proper number of", etc, and leaving it as I suggested may emphasize the many meanings.

Thanks, RiverNotch.
I was actually considering
changing it back to the original.
It's more me, like how I would have spoken it.
Thank you for your kind & thoughtful consideration of my poem.

nibbed

[Achebe]

ellipsis


Moments require a pause
and clues will float into space, ... consider deleting 'and', 'will' and ending with a full stop

but please.....not needed, I think 
remember to place
the proper number of marks

. . .







ORIGINAL

. . .


Moments require a pause
and clues will float into space,

but please
remember to leave
the proper number of marks:

ellipsis.

Not sure what the poem is trying to say, but there's room to trim methinks

[nibbed]

Hi, Achebe

Thank you, yes! This is short form. The poem was relaying some frustration I had seeing so many examples of folks using too many dots.............as their ellipsis (no one person in particular), especially on social media. It's very much the same sort of aggravation as multiple exclamation points! It's like someone saying you love something 110%. I am not perfect, I know I probably overlook my own annoyances and weird writing quirks, but the quasi-ellipsis is just a pet peeve with me. That's why the "please"... I really wanted to say PA-LEEEEZE!
hahaha!

thank you for considering my poem
and the helpful critique.


nibbed

[just mercedes]

Hi nibbed!

I think you miss the point of ellipsis. They don't denote a pause, so much as indicate that words have been omitted at this point.

el·lip·sis
[ih- lip-sis]

NOUN [PLURAL EL·LIP·SES]
1.
Printing. a mark or marks as ——, …, or * * *, to indicate an omission or suppression of letters or words.

[nibbed]

Hi nibbed!

I think you miss the point of ellipsis. They don't denote a pause, so much as indicate that words have been omitted at this point.

el·lip·sis
[ih- lip-sis]

NOUN [PLURAL EL·LIP·SES]
1.
Printing. a mark or marks as ——, …, or * * *, to indicate an omission or suppression of letters or words.

Hi, just mercedes.
Thank you for the correction!
You're right.
Pause is not the right word!
I wanted S1 to show an ellipsis as a space
and S2 to show an ellipsis as three dots.
It does sound like an ellipsis is trying to pass
as a pause in this poem!
Thank you for being an encouragement
and a blessing as I learn. 
You've helped me to make my poem better.
Thank you!

Maybe this will work:


. . .


Moments require space
and clues float into place,

but please remember to score
the proper number of marks:

ellipsis.

[just mercedes]

Hi nibbed - maybe 'moments' could be 'words' ?

[nibbed]

Hi nibbed - maybe 'moments' could be 'words' ?

Yes! even better
thanks, just mercedes.