Posts: 489
Threads: 182
Joined: Jan 2013
This might be required reading:
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Extraordinary_rendition
--------
I’ve heard from a shadow, behind the man’s back:
we’ve side-stepped conventions, and covered our tracks.
Of course there are places, to put on a show:
where nobody’s watching, and no one will know.
In cellars of countries coerced and then gagged,
lie kidnapped “combatants”, not charged, but harangued:
accused of abetting vile terrorist scum,
their rights are worth nothing, defending freedom.
Posts: 751
Threads: 408
Joined: May 2014
Hey WJ. I really like that your rhymes are easy in strophe 1 but not so much in strophe 2. Line 5 is my favorite. "In cellars..." the sonics and meter are great. Not sure about the quotes on "combatants". Quotes always feel like over-direction to me. Is there another way you could do it? I dunno.
Thanks for the read,
Paul
(06-15-2015, 02:44 AM)Wjames Wrote: This might be required reading: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Extraordinary_rendition
--------
I’ve heard from a shadow, behind the man’s back:
we’ve side-stepped conventions, and covered our tracks.
Of course there are places, to put on a show:
where nobody’s watching, and no one will know.
In cellars of countries coerced and then gagged,
lie kidnapped “combatants”, not charged, but harangued:
accused of abetting vile terrorist scum,
their rights are worth nothing, defending freedom.
Posts: 489
Threads: 182
Joined: Jan 2013
(06-15-2015, 02:59 AM)Tiger the Lion Wrote: Hey WJ. I really like that your rhymes are easy in strophe 1 but not so much in strophe 2. Line 5 is my favorite. "In cellars..." the sonics and meter are great. Not sure about the quotes on "combatants". Quotes always feel like over-direction to me. Is there another way you could do it? I dunno.
Thanks for the read,
Paul
I'm glad you enjoyed it.
Yes, I see what you mean by the quotes perhaps over doing it. I do think without them though, it could be justified (in some people's minds, not mine) to illegally torture enemy combatants, if they are in-fact combatants.
I'd like some others thoughts on that too, if possible.
Thanks for reading
Posts: 751
Threads: 408
Joined: May 2014
(06-15-2015, 03:35 AM)Wjames Wrote: (06-15-2015, 02:59 AM)Tiger the Lion Wrote: Hey WJ. I really like that your rhymes are easy in strophe 1 but not so much in strophe 2. Line 5 is my favorite. "In cellars..." the sonics and meter are great. Not sure about the quotes on "combatants". Quotes always feel like over-direction to me. Is there another way you could do it? I dunno.
Thanks for the read,
Paul
I'm glad you enjoyed it.
Yes, I see what you mean by the quotes perhaps over doing it. I do think without them though, it could be justified (in some people's minds, not mine) to illegally torture enemy combatants, if they are in-fact combatants.
I'd like some others thoughts on that too, if possible.
Thanks for reading
Italics are equally tricky to use but might be a better solution. Sadly, I would consider italics the lesser of two evils though. Still would prefer them to air quotes.