Of the Storm-1987 Edit 2.01. billy. Thanks to all who helped

[tectak]

There came deep breathing, giants sleeping; distant dirge that filled the air.
Late light lay long upon  the heathland; carmine garb in folded layers.
Like smoke, a squall of warning weather smeared the bright horizon's line.
Tearing clouds rose red and spread; grey linen laved in altar wine.
Erupting fire, the sky split open; rakish rays fanned wide around.
Up came the wind in wailing rage; down hurled hard rain but soon the sound
of peening on parched ground sank silent. Water drenched the darkening fell.
Dragons chased around the heavens; baleful beasts, the hordes of Hell.
The giants, angered, rose from slumber; thunderously they hailed my name.
They called out Storm, they called out Deluge; but I am fury...Hurricane!
tectak
2015 rewrite.
Original link:
[Image: https://[img]www.facebook.com/photo.php?...347&type=1]
New working link:
[Image: https://scontent-lax.xx.fbcdn.net/hphoto...e=55BAEF2D]
(Originally from Metaphysics. "Storm 1987. The UK hurricane". Uncompleted: ran out of semicolons .Apologies to leah. Took back fury Thanks ambrose, lost blast. Thanks billy, untied your tongue)

[just mercedes]

Why doesn't the second line rhyme? I keep wanting the meter to be even throughout the poem. as well as the syllables. Too anal. I know.

[tectak]

Why doesn't the second line rhyme? I keep wanting the meter to be even throughout the poem. as well as the syllables. Too anal. I know.

Hi merc,
it's not that you ask too much, just that the thing has probably given all it can...the crits, like the Gods, get bored
The air/layer rhyme is slanty but the whole piece tries to be loosely chaotic...syllable counting is strictly for the birds, though I always start off strictly...then revert to loud speaking to hear how it sounds. It only just complies in a stormy, windswept way.
Stay anal,
best,
tectak

[billy]

i got tongue tied a couple of times with the alliteration.

at present i'm dryer than the gobi, can i have a go at buggering around with it and posting it in the for fun tomorrow?

[tectak]

i got tongue tied a couple of times with the alliteration.

at present i'm dryer than the gobi, can i have a go at buggering around with it and posting it in the for fun tomorrow?

Bugger on, billy.
I knocked out a couple of  its teeth to please you but I hope it still bites.
There's humour in everything and I'm  no prima donna...but if you make it crap you make it yours
Best,
tectak
Oh, btw, I have an arty-farty pic. associated with the original of this from 1987. I WOULD post it for humiliation but I have forgotten how to do it...last time I did insert a pic it I think I just pasted in to the text from my file. How?

[billy]

i think you have to load the pig to a photo site. then post the url as a jpg or png file. 9thanks, though it's not my intention to make fun of it )