Not another sonnet

[alatos]

Mosquito bite on my ankle,
I’m up all night scratching you.
The bleeding starts, but my fingernails keep on raking.
Why can’t the itch just stop?
For a few days, you keep it up.
For a few more, you dry into a scab.
Finally, you’re just a tiny purple scar.
I don’t even have to look at you
if I don’t want to.


(This is about a girl, not a mosquito bite)

[QDeathstar]

I think the poem is missing some metaphor and comes off a bit plain.

[billy]

i've been there many times.

first thing i saw was lots of words that aren't needed and actually detract form the poem. i've made bold some of the words that i would suggest could be removed.

i was intrigued by the title and it kinda works, the poems certainly not about love, unless you're a mosquito an odd image would lift the poem quite a lot.
i don't think you need a large edit. just try an tighten it up a bit.

i've seen the caps on every line being mentioned elsewhere on the site and i have to say. "they only work well for me if i don't notice them"; here they slapped me to a fro across the chops

thanks for the read.

Mosquito bite on my ankle,
I’m up all night scratching you.
The bleeding starts, but my fingernails keep on raking.
Why can’t the itch just stop?
For a few days, you keep it up. feels very weak and vague, a suggestion; [you keep seeping, or you keep weeping] no need of a comma
For a few more, you dry into a scab. a suggestion; [ you're a crusty scab] or something else but try put a picture in the readers mind
Finally, you’re just a tiny purple scar.
I don’t even have to look at you
if I don’t want to.

[bob68]

i've been there many times.

first thing i saw was lots of words that aren't needed and actually detract form the poem. i've made bold some of the words that i would suggest could be removed.

i was intrigued by the title and it kinda works, the poems certainly not about love, unless you're a mosquito an odd image would lift the poem quite a lot.
i don't think you need a large edit. just try an tighten it up a bit.

i've seen the caps on every line being mentioned elsewhere on the site and i have to say. "they only work well for me if i don't notice them"; here they slapped me to a fro across the chops

thanks for the read.

Mosquito bite on my ankle,
I’m up all night scratching you.
The bleeding starts, but my fingernails keep on raking.
Why can’t the itch just stop?
For a few days, you keep it up. feels very weak and vague, a suggestion; [you keep seeping, or you keep weeping] no need of a comma
For a few more, you dry into a scab. a suggestion; [ you're a crusty scab] or something else but try put a picture in the readers mind
Finally, you’re just a tiny purple scar.
I don’t even have to look at you
if I don’t want to.

There's something interesting about this I like. Maybe it's the concrete images, and human factor. It seems pretty tight to me. Just a small quibble if I may point it out. In line 3 I would loose the word "but".
Nice piece though.

[Bleumeon]

Mosquito bite on my ankle,
I’m up all night scratching you.
The bleeding starts, but my fingernails keep on raking.
Why can’t the itch just stop?
For a few days, you keep it up.
For a few more, you dry into a scab.
Finally, you’re just a tiny purple scar.
I don’t even have to look at you
if I don’t want to.

I can definitely relate to this poem, but it feels like I'm reading a bunch of statements as opposed to an entire piece. It is more like a story in my opinion

[ThePinsir]

I kinda figured it was about a girl before I got to the end. So you did a good job at conveying your symbolism - and a good symbol it is.

I'm really not sure about the title. What does "Not Another Sonnet" mean?

[Erthona]

"Not another sonnet". Well that's good because it isn't. Aside from the fact it has no rhyme scheme, is not written in IP, and it is missing five lines, I guess if you want to call it a sonnet you can.

The metaphor of being in love , is like an a addiction, or an illness is fairly overused as it represents the central metaphor used during the golden age of movies: not to mention such songs from that era such as "I've Got You Under My Skin", or the idea that I've got an inch only can scratch, et. al..

If you have to put an explanatory note at the end, then the poem has already failed.

Dale

[alatos]

The titles wasn't 'not another sonnet'. It's just I didn't have a title, and I usually write sonnets so I just named the thread that.