Poem of an Outsider

[Lyricgangsta]

Hello, here is a few poems I wrote a couple of weeks ago, tell me what you think about it Thanks.

Poem 1:

Human misery, for too long, for too long, we’ve been simmering in.
I gaze onto the people walking in the city streets, none gaze at me back,
And I wonder, am I the only one feeling so lonely, heavy mind raining,
Eyes facing down a screen, reality freed people are all I have ever seen,


Lost hope, we’ve lost our souls for no gain,
Smoking dope all day, trying to choke our pain,
But with demons lurking in the ways of our minds,
Light is a gem we shall no longer pretend to find,


Soul bowing down to the stars, sole remaining source of lightness,
My spirit has flown up to the far, that it has landed through the eye of God,
Old man, companion of wisdom, I declare I have no crime to confess,
I have flown up to you because I feel like earth’s my new land of Node,


Lost hope, we’ve lost our souls for no gain,
Smoking dope all day, trying to choke our pain,
But with demons lurking in the ways of our minds,
Light is a gem we shall no longer pretend to find,


God knows I was low on hope these days, but I have met a boy,
He’s wild and I know he won’t bow down to me, oh I’m in joy,
Baby your kiss taste like heaven, hold me hun let’s fly to la Havanna
We’re driving high and it’s fun, love your gun, cigar a la Cupa Cabana

Poem 2:


When night falls down, peace whispers at the sleeper’s ear,
I stand by the moon, blue boon of my swamping tears,
I, the grand Goliath of my nethermost fears,
Substantial by appearence, I remain a vain fleer,
Dazed in the dark paths, seeking light anyplace near,
Smoldering Hell, and it’s tricky stale atmosphere,
Dusk brings my heart to run faster than a gear,
Ink is my weapon, I, the hated pamphleteer,

I do know the common mortal way is divine,
So far from seeing foes in other people’s eyes,
O Life, when trivial, tastes like cherry and wine,
It is praised to choose landa other being wise,
Knowledge is a pearl guarded by a million spines,
The greedy hand plunging, comes along with cries,
As Him says: What’s Mine is yours, and what’s yours is Mine,

Inside my heart remains a ferocious dark fire,
Sealed to my spirit and you may want to inquire,
Of the fact that under my law you’re all criers,
Burned to the bone, ego broken, glowering pyre,
Salvation gone, remainders of the Vile Empire,
They abhor me, thus shall I be their anti-savior,

Poem 3: (unfinished work)

I lived for years with a huge cloud above my head,
I was for a long time crying evertime I would go to bed,
From a day to another everything had changed for me,
I was suddenly alone with no one to handle me,
I wish my first love story never looked like a predator and victim case,
My feelings were betrayed and all light turned into darkness, nothing to replace,
The gap that tore my soul away, I was being abused, never knew what to do,
To save me, trying not fall down, not to see myself gone, and all the hate I couldn’t spew,
Ate a part of me, I never went through my sadness, I felt dizzy remembering every single «I love you»
Because I cannot forget what happened yet, I still have to walk through the darkest streets of hell,
How have I lost myself by searching to grow up ? My head is a noisy place, full of a million bells,
Reminiscence, reminiscence, slithering and whistling as serpents inside my mind with crave,
Their hisses reverberate in a deep intense echo, agains’t the walls of my ego cave,
And every sound that I hear is relied to every lie that I’ve eaten, every cuts I was given,
I hoped for a long time that we would live together bright times, joy of two hearts wich burn,

[LorettaYoung]

Hello, here is a few poems I wrote a couple of weeks ago, tell me what you think about it Thanks.

Poem 1:

Human misery, for too long, for too long, we’ve been simmering in.
I gaze onto the people walking in the city streets, none gaze at me back,
And I wonder, am I the only one feeling so lonely, heavy mind raining,
Eyes facing down a screen, reality freed people are all I have ever seen,


Lost hope, we’ve lost our souls for no gain,
Smoking dope all day, trying to choke our pain,
But with demons lurking in the ways of our minds,
Light is a gem we shall no longer pretend to find,


Soul bowing down to the stars, sole remaining source of lightness,
My spirit has flown up to the far, that it has landed through the eye of God,
Old man, companion of wisdom, I declare I have no crime to confess,
I have flown up to you because I feel like earth’s my new land of Node,


Lost hope, we’ve lost our souls for no gain,
Smoking dope all day, trying to choke our pain,
But with demons lurking in the ways of our minds,
Light is a gem we shall no longer pretend to find,


God knows I was low on hope these days, but I have met a boy,
He’s wild and I know he won’t bow down to me, oh I’m in joy,
Baby your kiss taste like heaven, hold me hun let’s fly to la Havanna
We’re driving high and it’s fun, love your gun, cigar a la Cupa Cabana

Poem 2:


When night falls down, peace whispers at the sleeper’s ear,
I stand by the moon, blue boon of my swamping tears,
I, the grand Goliath of my nethermost fears,
Substantial by appearence, I remain a vain fleer,
Dazed in the dark paths, seeking light anyplace near,
Smoldering Hell, and it’s tricky stale atmosphere,
Dusk brings my heart to run faster than a gear,
Ink is my weapon, I, the hated pamphleteer,

I do know the common mortal way is divine,
So far from seeing foes in other people’s eyes,
O Life, when trivial, tastes like cherry and wine,
It is praised to choose landa other being wise,
Knowledge is a pearl guarded by a million spines,
The greedy hand plunging, comes along with cries,
As Him says: What’s Mine is yours, and what’s yours is Mine,

Inside my heart remains a ferocious dark fire,
Sealed to my spirit and you may want to inquire,
Of the fact that under my law you’re all criers,
Burned to the bone, ego broken, glowering pyre,
Salvation gone, remainders of the Vile Empire,
They abhor me, thus shall I be their anti-savior,

Poem 3: (unfinished work)

I lived for years with a huge cloud above my head,
I was for a long time crying evertime I would go to bed,
From a day to another everything had changed for me,
I was suddenly alone with no one to handle me,
I wish my first love story never looked like a predator and victim case,
My feelings were betrayed and all light turned into darkness, nothing to replace,
The gap that tore my soul away, I was being abused, never knew what to do,
To save me, trying not fall down, not to see myself gone, and all the hate I couldn’t spew,
Ate a part of me, I never went through my sadness, I felt dizzy remembering every single «I love you»
Because I cannot forget what happened yet, I still have to walk through the darkest streets of hell,
How have I lost myself by searching to grow up ? My head is a noisy place, full of a million bells,
Reminiscence, reminiscence, slithering and whistling as serpents inside my mind with crave,
Their hisses reverberate in a deep intense echo, agains’t the walls of my ego cave,
And every sound that I hear is relied to every lie that I’ve eaten, every cuts I was given,
I hoped for a long time that we would live together bright times, joy of two hearts wich burn,

Loretta,
press the reply button, after you have typed your comments, scroll down to the bottom and hit the "post reply" button. Unless, of course, your comment in this one was " ".
Regarding my own thoughts on the "poem" I am afraid that any worthwhile poetic intent is buried in unsalvageable poor grammar, syntax, spelling and punctuation. Practically all grossly incompetent poetry has some redeeming feature which can be amplified and nurtured, and this is no exception I am sure, but the whole damn thing has so completely failed that I have the time but not the inclination to begin the task of correcting it to some acceptable level. My considered advice would be forget this....hide it, burn all copies, destroy anything to do with it then write something simple, clear, clean and left-justified.
No doubt the plethora of crits who read it are busting a gut to comment so my contribution may be of no consequence.
Best,
tectak