Chicken Feathers

[SKDink55]

I woke up with chicken feathers in my hair
hey
so did you
and
there were two spiders on the mirror
one was nicer looking
and i just looked at the mirror
not at myself
but you know when you let your eyes look at the mirror for what it is and not
for what it does
blurry
but anyway
the chicken feathers
you didn’t see them
and i looked past you to what i thought was the cat
our little black moon
but was actually just the darkness of the curtain
i missed her
and
i said,
where did they come from? chicken feathers. could it have been a dream. could i have dreamt of a barn. could i have dreamt them to us? i’m not that powerful, but sometimes i think i am.
and you picked four of them out of my head
and you said
they’re goose feathers
we slept without pillowcases
and i hated you

[tectak]

I woke up with chicken feathers in my hair
hey
so did you
and
there were two spiders on the mirror
one was nicer looking
and i just looked at the mirror
not at myself
but you know when you let your eyes look at the mirror for what it is and not
for what it does
blurry
but anyway
the chicken feathers
you didn’t see them
and i looked past you to what i thought was the cat
our little black moon
but was actually just the darkness of the curtain
i missed her
and
i said,
where did they come from? chicken feathers. could it have been a dream. could i have dreamt of a barn. could i have dreamt them to us? i’m not that powerful, but sometimes i think i am.
and you picked four of them out of my head
and you said
they’re goose feathers
we slept without pillowcases
and i hated you

This is rather good
Sometimes concept triumphs over execution and that is the case here. Stylistic lack of punctuation, the self-deprecating (sub-conscious?) small "i" can be forgiven in verse like this as it adds to the naivette...but like bullshit can get you to the top, it won't keep you there.
Content wise it comes out well as commitment-verse, having an unshakeable destination--the punch line expose-- and there is nothing wrong with that.
A final point,...if you adopt this kind of deliberate minimalist approach to punctuation be aware that you must be consistent otherwise the game is up and it will all collapse in to a heap of incompetence. It hasn't happened in a big way with this, though the signs are there if you look, but it would be interesting to see if you CAN write with precision...or is this just a one-off? There's the rub...good writers can write like this by choice.
Don't forget to offer up crit to others...that's the way it works here; and it DOES work.
Yes to this...well done.
Best,
tectak

[just mercedes]

I like this poem - you got to me when you described looking at a mirror - how you let your eyes go out of focus. I'm not sure what the spiders were doing in there, or the cat, but they gave depth to the image, and you brushed in (hinted at) a back story very easily. I'm not going to comment about punctuation except to say that I think yours works for this poem.

Thanks for the read - maybe you could lose some of the 'and's without damaging the great flow your poem has.