(inspired by the newbi love poems)At First Sight

[Erthona]

.

A glance: incipient pubescent love bursts forth,
efflorescence radiating in sublunary spheres
momently, as you grasp the depth of innervation,
that until now lay enervated by societal convention.
In primordial anxious tightening, your excitation surged
incandescent across your taunt neophyte breast.
Consciousness plenished your shocked emerald eyes
with astonishment and awe of this raw,
bold sibling of the ecstatic dance of divinity.
Cronus strode forth, covering his hourglass
with a thick cloak barrowed from Erebus.
Into this gulf arrowed my mind, a quickening flare,
seeking out your trembling budding awareness.
“Regardless the cost, I will not grant pardon
for you to fall back into your mundane prison.
Having found you, I know that your blossoming life
is more important to me than my own:
your rapture is my rapture, your despair is mine own.”
A glance: in the moment our eyes met,
an empathetic beautiful umbilical connection
was made fast, and the ship that is my soul,
can never more roam from the harbor of you.
And yet, I know not your name, your history,
nor have you and I with all the proprieties been introduced.
Crimson burn me. It is not needed!
I see your eyes burn with the same knowledge,
that is in mine, ignited as the white fire of a welding torch.
We, two metals even now are melded into one:
forming an alloy which is greater than its parts,
an amalgam that there is no fire hot enough to distill.
In that instant, love, the love that annihilates all pretenses,
pierced and claimed my soul: at first sight of you.

[/font]
.

[ChristopherSea]

.

A glance: incipient pubescent love bursts forth,
efflorescence radiating in sublunary spheres
momently, as you grasp the depth of innervation,
that until now lay enervated by societal convention.
In primordial anxious tightening, your excitation surged
incandescent across your taunt neophyte breast.
Consciousness plenished your shocked emerald eyes
with astonishment and awe of this raw,
bold sibling of the ecstatic dance of divinity.
Cronus strode forth, covering his hourglass
with a thick cloak barrowed from Erebus.
Into this gulf arrowed my mind, a quickening flare,
seeking out your trembling budding awareness.
“Regardless the cost, I will not grant pardon
for you to fall back into your mundane prison.
Having found you, I know that your blossoming life
is more important to me than my own:
your rapture is my rapture, your despair is mine own.”
A glance: in the moment our eyes met,
an empathetic umbilical connection
was made fast, and the ship that is my soul,
can never more roam from the harbor of you.
And yet, I know not your name, your history,
nor have you and I with all the proprieties been introduced.
It is not needed!
I see your eyes burn with the same knowledge,
that is in mine, ignited as the white fire of a welding torch.
We, two metals even now are melded into one:
forming an alloy which is greater than its parts,
an amalgam that there is no fire hot enough to distill.
In that instant, the love that annihilates all pretenses,
pierced and claimed my soul: at first sight of you.

[/font]
.

Looks like the viagra is keeping your gander up! I like the alloy metaphor.

[ellajam]

Having found you, I know that your blossoming life
is more important to me than my own:

[/font] to you too.

[Erthona]

ellajam is always in my brain,
that is where she parks
sticking up my synapses and
causing gooey sparks!


dale

[Leanne]

I'm sorry, this fails miserably as a newbie love poem because:

a) you did not use the word crimson
b) you have only misused 32% of your adjectives
c) you did not mix mythologies

Good attempt though, do keep writing

[Erthona]

crimson is implied in the phrase "ncipient pubescent love bursts forth" of course it is crimson.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
"you have only misused 32% of your adjectives" although low it does exceed the mandatory limit set by soulmates poetry convention of 2011 of 30.27%
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
"you did not mix mythologies" Untrue, I mixed Greek "Cronus strode forth, covering his hourglass
with a thick cloak barrowed from Erebus." and Alchemy (Egyptian mythology) "two metals even now are melded into one:
forming an alloy which is greater than its parts, an amalgam that there is no fire hot enough to distill. This is an Alchemy of love, which scores extremely high on the "gonna hurl" metric.

Thus I contend that this in fact far surpasses the revulsion factor inherent in most newbi love poems, and in additions there are some 20 citations for overuse of Thesaurus, not the least of which is using innervation and enervated in the same sentence.

Plus it ends strongly on one of the most cliche saying used in "Love Poetry", "claimed my soul: at first sight of you."

Thank you for your precise critique, but even though I have been writing poetry only two days, I "feel" that I am right and you are wrong, and for some reason you are just trying to hurt my feelings, when this poem was from my heart!

Sincerely,

APoetInLove

[Leanne]

Alchemy is not a mythology. It's entirely fictitious, like television. Besides, if you mix Cronus with Harry Potter you get some kind of rubedo... oh bugger, there's the crimson.

My apologies. Your muse is vast and fleshy-bottomed. Buy her a rose.

[tectak]

.

A glance: incipient pubescent love bursts forth,
efflorescence radiating in sublunary spheres
momently, as you grasp the depth of innervation,
that until now lay enervated by societal convention.
In primordial anxious tightening, your excitation surged
incandescent across your taunt neophyte breast.
Consciousness plenished your shocked emerald eyes
with astonishment and awe of this raw,
bold sibling of the ecstatic dance of divinity.
Cronus strode forth, covering his hourglass
with a thick cloak barrowed from Erebus.
Into this gulf arrowed my mind, a quickening flare,
seeking out your trembling budding awareness.
“Regardless the cost, I will not grant pardon
for you to fall back into your mundane prison.
Having found you, I know that your blossoming life
is more important to me than my own:
your rapture is my rapture, your despair is mine own.”
A glance: in the moment our eyes met,
an empathetic umbilical connection
was made fast, and the ship that is my soul,
can never more roam from the harbor of you.
And yet, I know not your name, your history,
nor have you and I with all the proprieties been introduced.
It is not needed!
I see your eyes burn with the same knowledge,
that is in mine, ignited as the white fire of a welding torch.
We, two metals even now are melded into one:
forming an alloy which is greater than its parts,
an amalgam that there is no fire hot enough to distill.
In that instant, the love that annihilates all pretenses,
pierced and claimed my soul: at first sight of you.

[/font]
.

Piss taking bastard but this speaks to me. Can you tell me hiw to right like this! I wont to right to my girlfreind her name is Marcellanus and I need a rhyme for it.
Best,
Tetrarch

[Mopkins]

Piss taking bastardHystericalHysterical but this speaks to me. Can you tell me hiw to right like this! I wont to right to my girlfreind her name is Marcellanus and I need a rhyme for it.
Best,
Tetrarch




Oh marvarlouse made Marcellanus
Wy note teak of thos parjammas
fer i luv yu trooly
I jussed woodent fuel ye
Anned eye’d loik tu plae wiv uhr bussed

[Erthona]

Hey that's my girlfriend, you bastid! I will not tell you how to write such exquisite love poetry, for I will write only for my own selfish end...er ends! You do you think I am, Sere-e-nose DeBergorrack? Bah, others can be noble, I'll take the girl.

P.U.Trarch

[billy]

while you do get a point for using the word "love" a point has been deducted for not using the word "beautiful" so you get a zero...0 sorry but that's how it is.

[ellajam]

.

A glance: incipient pubescent love bursts forth,
efflorescence radiating in sublunary spheres
momently, as you grasp the depth of innervation,
that until now lay enervated by societal convention.
In primordial anxious tightening, your excitation surged
incandescent across your taunt neophyte breast.
Consciousness plenished your shocked emerald eyes
with astonishment and awe of this raw,
bold sibling of the ecstatic dance of divinity.
Cronus strode forth, covering his hourglass
with a thick cloak barrowed from Erebus.
Into this gulf arrowed my mind, a quickening flare,
seeking out your trembling budding awareness.
“Regardless the cost, I will not grant pardon
for you to fall back into your mundane prison.
Having found you, I know that your blossoming life
is more important to me than my own:
your rapture is my rapture, your despair is mine own.”
A glance: in the moment our eyes met,
an empathetic umbilical connection
was made fast, and the ship that is my soul,
can never more roam from the harbor of you.
And yet, I know not your name, your history,
nor have you and I with all the proprieties been introduced.
It is not needed!
I see your eyes burn with the same knowledge,
that is in mine, ignited as the white fire of a welding torch.
We, two metals even now are melded into one:
forming an alloy which is greater than its parts,
an amalgam that there is no fire hot enough to distill.
In that instant, the love that annihilates all pretenses,
pierced and claimed my soul: at first sight of you.

[/font]
.

Piss taking bastard but this speaks to me. Can you tell me hiw to right like this! I wont to right to my girlfreind her name is Marcellanus and I need a rhyme for it.
Best,
Tetrarch

my love has used a rhyme or three
anus, crack and moon
"ship that's my soul", real poetry!
has caused my heart to swoon

[Erthona]

Marcella thy name is Dawn!

---

I cry fowl! Fie upon you Billy Bigelow go mind your Carrot Sale!

while you do get a point for using the word "love" a point has been deducted for not using the word "beautiful" so you get a zero...0 sorry but that's how it is.

"an empathetic beautiful umbilical connection""



dale

---

"Alchemy is not a mythology" Alchemy is not a mythology, but there is a mythology surrounding Alchemy!

[RSaba]

Oh, the warmth of a welding torch on a winter's night...
Mind if I use a few lines of this for my next flowery-scripted tattoo?

[Erthona]

The warmth of a welding torch on a winter's night,
its azure corona and bright white light,
yet no tattoo, but brand instead,
for fiery flowers inside your head!

[RSaba]

These fiery flowers, I do declare
hath sparked a flame within my hair.

Ouch! My head is on fire.

[Erthona]

Someone give that girl a bucket of water!

[ellajam]

Three weeks to dear old Valentine.
then five more left til spring.
So brace yourself, sweet love of mine,
young hearts were born to sing.

[Erthona]

Oh that's right, VD is coming up soon,
when she told me she had herpes,
I swear it made me swoon.

Herpes isn't clever, but
Herpes is 4-ever!
More I think than love can say, as
Love is only for a day.

Hairy today, goon tomorrow,
Love always fills me with such sweet sorrow.

end of AllMared cards.

I need to repost my VD poem soon, although it ain't near as purty as this poem.



dale the sanguine better than a penguin*.

*Great auk, "Pinguinus impennis," extinct since 1844. No wonder the population is down, after all you need an " impennis" to keep it up!

[ellajam]

Pinguinus impennis could not take flight,
he had not a single penna in sight.
For swimming he had down feathers instead,
the humans were cold, so off with his head.


aw, auk