The Chaser

[Selma Pew]

Take my hand,
And guide me away.
Away from this madness,
Away from these memories.

Drown out my past,
Wash down my pain.
Pull me up to my feet,
And push me down again.

Please hold me close,
And never let go.
I don’t want to go back,
I don’t want to go home.

My mind starts to slow,
As we reach the top.
My brain aches all over,
I wish we didn’t have to
Drop.

[billy]

i like the idea of it selma. but there's a lot of cliche at play

it's also very wordy.
a suggestion would be to close your eyes and see what it is you want to write, create the scene in your head the splash it onto the page. try and keep the image intact at present the chaser is watered down with so many words that say almost nothing.

thanks for the read

[Volaticus]

Take my hand,
And guide me away.
Away from this madness, what madness?
Away from these memories. which memories?

Drown out my past,
Wash down my pain. why are "you" in pain?
Pull me up to my feet,
And push me down again.

Please hold me close,
And never let go.
I don’t want to go back, to what?
I don’t want to go home. why?

My mind starts to slow,
As we reach the top.
My brain aches all over,
I wish we didn’t have to
Drop.

Hi Selma,

I like poetry that doesn't spoon feed all the answers to the reader. But.. this poem just left me with too many questions. The narrator is clearly in pain and wants to get away. But why? And from what? I wasn't able to sympathize with the narrator, because I don't know anything about where he/she's coming from, I don't know what's led the person to feel this way and to say these things, so especially the ending falls a little flat for me. There are just too many unknowns and not enough concrete or tangible images.
Just a thought that you can disregard or consider as you see fit. All is of course just my humble opinion.

Best,
LB