Equus Resurrection

[ChristopherSea]

final

Equus Resurrection

I recall her sun-sluiced silhouette
in dressage atop a chosen thoroughbred,
as I navigated abrasive horsetails
and stampeding memories
of when she corralled me in study hall
with that lengthy kiss,
roping me in.

Not quite an Ivory Snow Girl,
her nature had elements of boot leather,
all saddle-soaped, snorting tannins.
With a tip of her helm and snap of a riding crop,
she’d flourish ribbons of her equestrian conquests,
deriding my pedestrian trail.
Was I suffering from horse envy?
Neigh, I’d whinny, deluding myself.

Bareback on prom night and 17-hands in heels,
she labored in peach chiffon, legs kicking beneath,
whipping up a bustle of geese and horse-feathers
to wing her off to college in migratory ‘V.’
Was it for Victory, Vaginal supremacy
or some mustang Vacillation
that cantered autumn so abstrusely?

I almost forgot this wild appaloosa,
her heel’s yoke, shank and rowel,
and how I was gelded that Christmas
(no longer her pet stable boy).
Memories virtually archeological,
except for wondering why I paused,
decades later, in that field of equisetum,
a scouring-grass that once ruled
the Paleozoic forest undergrowth,
yet today is the sole survivor
of its genus.

Though riddled with old nagging
memories and half-truths of horse-tales,
I found the rasping siliceous fingers
comforting now as I sat among them
and understood what it is like
to be a living fossil.



Thank you Todd!

--------------------------------------------
Todd edit3 Thanks my mentor

Equus Resurrection

I recall her sun-sluiced silhouette
in dressage atop a chosen thoroughbred,
as I navigated abrasive horsetails
and stampeding memories
of when she corralled me in study hall
with that lengthy kiss,
roping me in.

Not quite an Ivory Snow Girl,
her nature had elements of boot leather,
all saddle-soaped, snorting tannins.
With a tip of her helm and snap of a riding crop,
she’d flourish ribbons of her equestrian conquests,
deriding my pedestrian trail.
Was I suffering from horse envy?
Neigh, I’d whinny, deluding myself.

Bareback on prom night and 17-hands in heels,
she labored in peach chiffon, legs kicking beneath,
whipping up a bustle of geese and horse-feathers
to wing her off to college in migratory ‘V.’
Was it for Victory, Vaginal supremacy
or some mustang Vacillation
that cantered autumn so abstrusely?

I almost forgot this wild appaloosa,
her heel’s yoke, shank and rowel,
and how I was gelded that Christmas
(no longer her pet stable boy).
Memories virtually archeological,
except for wondering why I paused,
decades later, in that field of equisetum,
a scouring-grass that once ruled
the Paleozoic forest undergrowth,
yet today is the sole survivor
of its genus.

Though riddled with old nagging
memories and half-truths of horse-tales,
I found the rasping siliceous fingers
comforting now as I sat among them
and understood what it is like
to be a living fossil.


----------------------------------
Unwelcome reflection
reined in my thoughts,
as I navigated abrasive horsetails,
shunning contaminating spores.
Nipping fronds halted my egress
along with stampeding memories
of when she corralled me in study hall,
spurring schooldays of frivol and reverie;
that lengthy kiss that roped me in.

Not quite an Ivory Snow Girl,
her nature had elements of boot leather,
all saddle-soaped and snorting tannin.
Russet locks whipped quietly freckled shoulders,
rousing zephyrs of lavender and hay infusions,
constitutives of some hexing attar.

I recall her sun-sluiced silhouette
in dressage atop her chosen thoroughbred.
With a tip of her helm and snap of riding crop,
she’d flourish ribbons of her equestrian fetish,
deriding my pedestrian sphere.
Was I suffering from horse envy?
Neigh, I’d whinny, deluding myself.

Bareback on prom night and 17-hands in heels,
she labored in peach chiffon, legs kicking beneath,
whipping up a bustle of geese and horse-feathers
to wing her off to college in migratory ‘V.’
Was it for Victory, Vaginal supremacy
or some mustang Vacillation
that cantered autumn so abstrusely?

I almost forgot this wild appaloosa,
her heel’s yoke, shank and rowel,
and how I was gelded that Christmas
(no longer her pet stable boy).
Memories virtually archeological,
except for wondering why I paused,
decades later, in that field of equisetum,
a scouring-grass that once ruled
the Paleozoic forest undergrowth,
yet today is the sole survivor
of its genus.

Though riddled with old nagging
memories and half-truths of horse-tales,
I found their rasping siliceous fingers
comforting as I sat among them

and understood what it is like

to be a living fossil.

[Todd]

Hi Chris,

My initial thought upon reading this through a few times is that you cut S1 and S2 and begin in S3. When I read this aloud the pacing sort of meandered until I hit S3, and then it felt like a sprint. This is not to say that the first two strophes are badly written. They have some nice elements. It's more that it feels like you got to what you wanted to say in S3. Let you give you some further comments starting from that point.

Unwelcome reflection
reined in my thoughts,
as I navigated abrasive horsetails,
shunning contaminating spores.
Nipping fronds halted my egress
along with stampeding memories
of when she corralled me in study hall,
spurring schooldays of frivol and reverie;
that lengthy kiss that roped me in.

Not quite an Ivory Snow Girl,
her nature had elements of boot leather,
all saddle-soaped and snorting tannin.
Russet locks whipped quietly freckled shoulders,
rousing zephyrs of lavender and hay infusions,
constitutives of some hexing attar.

I recall her sun-sluiced silhouette--This is beautiful phrasing. I also like that you introduced sibilance, it gives another indication that she was a temptation to the speaker. As first lines go, can you see why this would be a much better choice than "Unwelcome Reflection" for drawing the reader in?
in dressage atop her chosen thoroughbred.--I realize that I'm encouraging you to cut away some of the context which would show a previous relationship, I don't think it will be a problem but if you needed to reinsert the last two lines from S1 somewhere I'd understand though I'm not sure it's necessary. Atop her chosen thoroughbred lets just say is a nice way to suggest that she's sexually aggressive, and the speaker who thought their relationship was unique has just observed something he wished he hadn't.
With a tip of her helm and snap of riding crop,--She took charge, little bit of a fetish flavor to it already, even before the next line
she’d flourish ribbons of her equestrian fetish,--She treated it like capturing ribbons, making conquests. It's nice to see you play against stereotype
deriding my pedestrian sphere.--the language feels a bit out of place with what's around it. Maybe show deriding in a horse way Perhaps: Snorting at my pedestrian ways. I'm not sure that's much better it's the first and last words that give me trouble. I take this to mostly mean the speaker now conquered, and not exciting sexually (either through conquest or by being more conventional) was now being put aside.
Was I suffering from horse envy?
Neigh, I’d whinny, deluding myself.--that's funny and for me doesn't detract

Bareback on prom night and 17-hands in heels,--Great choice on the measurement and the dual use of bareback. 5'6 then in heels. This also sets the age by being prom night.
she labored in peach chiffon, legs kicking beneath,
whipping up a bustle of geese and horse-feathers
to wing her off to college in migratory ‘V.’--I assume Vassar
Was it for Victory, Vaginal supremacy
or some mustang Vacillation
that cantered autumn so abstrusely?--I found this part to be a fun read throughout.

I almost forgot this wild appaloosa,
her heel’s yoke, shank and rowel,
and how I was gelded that Christmas
(no longer her pet stable boy).
Memories virtually archeological,
except for wondering why I paused,
decades later, in that field of equisetum,
a scouring-grass that once ruled
the Paleozoic forest undergrowth,
yet today is the sole survivor
of its genus.

Though riddled with old nagging
memories and half-truths of horse-tales,
I found their rasping siliceous fingers
comforting as I sat among them--I wonder if you could cut this storphe

and understood what it is like

to be a living fossil.

Enjoyed the read Chris. Hope the comments will be helpful as you consider the piece.

Best,

Todd

[ChristopherSea]

Hi Chris,

My initial thought upon reading this through a few times is that you cut S1 and S2 and begin in S3. When I read this aloud the pacing sort of meandered until I hit S3, and then it felt like a sprint. This is not to say that the first two strophes are badly written. They have some nice elements. It's more that it feels like you got to what you wanted to say in S3. Let you give you some further comments starting from that point.

Unwelcome reflection
reined in my thoughts,
as I navigated abrasive horsetails,
shunning contaminating spores.
Nipping fronds halted my egress
along with stampeding memories
of when she corralled me in study hall,
spurring schooldays of frivol and reverie;
that lengthy kiss that roped me in.

Not quite an Ivory Snow Girl,
her nature had elements of boot leather,
all saddle-soaped and snorting tannin.
Russet locks whipped quietly freckled shoulders,
rousing zephyrs of lavender and hay infusions,
constitutives of some hexing attar.

I recall her sun-sluiced silhouette--This is beautiful phrasing. I also like that you introduced sibilance, it gives another indication that she was a temptation to the speaker. As first lines go, can you see why this would be a much better choice than "Unwelcome Reflection" for drawing the reader in?
in dressage atop her chosen thoroughbred.--I realize that I'm encouraging you to cut away some of the context which would show a previous relationship, I don't think it will be a problem but if you needed to reinsert the last two lines from S1 somewhere I'd understand though I'm not sure it's necessary. Atop her chosen thoroughbred lets just say is a nice way to suggest that she's sexually aggressive, and the speaker who thought their relationship was unique has just observed something he wished he hadn't.
With a tip of her helm and snap of riding crop,--She took charge, little bit of a fetish flavor to it already, even before the next line
she’d flourish ribbons of her equestrian fetish,--She treated it like capturing ribbons, making conquests. It's nice to see you play against stereotype
deriding my pedestrian sphere.--the language feels a bit out of place with what's around it. Maybe show deriding in a horse way Perhaps: Snorting at my pedestrian ways. I'm not sure that's much better it's the first and last words that give me trouble. I take this to mostly mean the speaker now conquered, and not exciting sexually (either through conquest or by being more conventional) was now being put aside.
Was I suffering from horse envy?
Neigh, I’d whinny, deluding myself.--that's funny and for me doesn't detract

Bareback on prom night and 17-hands in heels,--Great choice on the measurement and the dual use of bareback. 5'6 then in heels. This also sets the age by being prom night.
she labored in peach chiffon, legs kicking beneath,
whipping up a bustle of geese and horse-feathers
to wing her off to college in migratory ‘V.’--I assume Vassar
Was it for Victory, Vaginal supremacy
or some mustang Vacillation
that cantered autumn so abstrusely?--I found this part to be a fun read throughout.

I almost forgot this wild appaloosa,
her heel’s yoke, shank and rowel,
and how I was gelded that Christmas
(no longer her pet stable boy).
Memories virtually archeological,
except for wondering why I paused,
decades later, in that field of equisetum,
a scouring-grass that once ruled
the Paleozoic forest undergrowth,
yet today is the sole survivor
of its genus.

Though riddled with old nagging
memories and half-truths of horse-tales,
I found their rasping siliceous fingers
comforting as I sat among them--I wonder if you could cut this storphe

and understood what it is like

to be a living fossil.

Enjoyed the read Chris. Hope the comments will be helpful as you consider the piece.

Best,

Todd

Todd, I am much obliged for your time and detailed consideration on this poem. Especially for doing the math and getting her height calculation correct, Ha ha... Good observations and suggestions! Yes, it is true, it was my first serious realtionship and a long time ago. Moreover and most assuredly, I did suffer from horse envy. I suppose that is why there is a bit of background in those first two stanzas.

I wanted to begin and end with the horsetails (equisetum), the central metaphor herein. Most important, is the fact that she 'chose me', which contrasts, or perhaps more appropriately, falls in line with being discarded later on. Nonetheless, I will consider doing something with the first two stanzas. Maybe condensing them and moving them. I will see. Let me know if these facts and set-up cues might change the idea of just deleting them for you.

'Deriding my pedestrian sphere' was supposed to be a play on 'riding equestrian fields'. Maybe change the sphere to trail?

By strophe, if you meant the entire last stanza and not that line, than there is no poem herein for me. I hope the final stanzas worked for you, in their indication of how out of place the breakup made me feel and the sense of abandonment as it is equated to being the last of some ancient species, as are horsetails. Unless you think that the penultimate stanza implies all of that alone.

Your eye and insight is always appreciated Todd, thanks again!/Chris

[ChristopherSea]

Todd, I can't seem to reconcile dispensing with the first stanza. I tried, but there would be no tie-in to the ending/punchline, there would be no establishment of it being a serious relationship, or as I mentioned above that she both intiated the relationship and ended it. Also, the horsetails were the whole stimulus for the resurection and the revelation in the close. Lastly, it would just begin with being critical of her and contradict why I would make me feel like the last of my own species in the end. I do think that I can incorporate stanza 2 into the third one and trim it a bit. I could also begin s1 with:

I recall her sun-sluiced silhouette
in dressage atop her chosen thoroughbred
as I navigated abrasive horsetails...

[Todd]

When I get off this phone and back on a computer I'll post some ideas, Chris.

[ChristopherSea]

When I get off this phone and back on a computer I'll post some ideas, Chris.

OK, thanks. I am learning towards taking the opening of s3 as the first stanza opener. de-riding my pedestrian trail might work I'll be back with an edited version soon, I think...

[Todd]

Hi Chris,

Let's take another pass at this. Sometimes I look over a poem and think what lines would make the most interesting first line, and then I rewrite from those new options.

I think your strongest lines for openings are probably(in no particular order):

her nature had elements of boot leather

I recall her sun-sluiced silhouette

I almost forgot this wild appaloosa,

You know when I see them like this If you keep the current sequence you probably need to put a had before almost and go with forgotten. You already graphically recalled her in a previous strophe.

That said I think any of these lines could work quite well. The second is the strongest and might be an interesting close also if done properly. I'm thinking the third one might be your entry.

If you went that way you could move to

as I navigated abrasive horsetails,
along with stampeding memories
of when she corralled me in study hall,
with that lengthy kiss that roped me in.
Not quite an Ivory Snow Girl,
her nature had elements of boot leather,
all saddle-soaped and snorting tannin.
Russet locks whipped quietly freckled shoulders,

I didn't bother to correct the punctuation issues my cuts made. I just went with a fast cut to give you some ideas.


Just some thoughts.

Best,

Todd

[ChristopherSea]

Hi Chris,

Let's take another pass at this. Sometimes I look over a poem and think what lines would make the most interesting first line, and then I rewrite from those new options.

I think your strongest lines for openings are probably(in no particular order):

her nature had elements of boot leather

I recall her sun-sluiced silhouette

I almost forgot this wild appaloosa,

You know when I see them like this If you keep the current sequence you probably need to put a had before almost and go with forgotten. You already graphically recalled her in a previous strophe.

That said I think any of these lines could work quite well. The second is the strongest and might be an interesting close also if done properly. I'm thinking the third one might be your entry.

If you went that way you could move to

as I navigated abrasive horsetails,
along with stampeding memories
of when she corralled me in study hall,
with that lengthy kiss that roped me in.
Not quite an Ivory Snow Girl,
her nature had elements of boot leather,
all saddle-soaped and snorting tannin.
Russet locks whipped quietly freckled shoulders,

I didn't bother to correct the punctuation issues my cuts made. I just went with a fast cut to give you some ideas.


Just some thoughts.

Best,

Todd

Todd, good thoughts as always. I am going the 'sun-sluiced' path. I made most of the cuts in s1 and half of s2, the remainder conbined with s3. I am still working on the close. I will probably bring the living fossil line up. I am still hooked on the rasping fronds becoming comforting, as it plays into the dominance/submission theme and then the understanding of the living fossil feeling. Much Oliged Master!

[Todd]

Chris, this feels like it's going in the right direction. Seeing it written down I think I'd go recall over recalled. Okay, let me look at the rest of the lines.

Todd edit 1/version 2.0

I recalled her sun-sluiced silhouette
in dressage atop her chosen thoroughbred,--a instead of her. Cut down on the pronouns wherever you can without sacrificing clarity or tone.
as I navigated abrasive horsetails
and the stampeding memories
of when she corralled me in study hall
with that lengthy kiss which roped me in.

Not quite an Ivory Snow Girl,
her nature had elements of boot leather,--maybe condense had elements of to "was"
all saddle-soaped and snorting tannin.--really nice detail
With a tip of her helm and snap of riding crop,--I think you might need an "a" before riding
she’d flourish ribbons of her equestrian fetish,--crop gives you fetish already maybe conquests instead
deriding my pedestrian trail.
Was I suffering from horse envy?
Neigh, I’d whinny, deluding myself.

Bareback on prom night and 17-hands in heels,
she labored in peach chiffon, legs kicking beneath,
whipping up a bustle of geese and horse-feathers
to wing her off to college in migratory ‘V.’
Was it for Victory, Vaginal supremacy
or some mustang Vacillation
that cantered autumn so abstrusely?

I almost forgot this wild appaloosa,
her heel’s yoke, shank and rowel,
and how I was gelded that Christmas
(no longer her pet stable boy).
Memories virtually archeological,
except for wondering why I paused,
decades later, in that field of equisetum,
a scouring-grass that once ruled
the Paleozoic forest undergrowth,
yet today is the sole survivor
of its genus.

Though riddled with old nagging
memories and half-truths of horse-tales,
I found the rasping siliceous fingers
comforting now as I sat among them
and understood what it is like
to be a living fossil.


Todd edit 1/version 2.0 Thank you!
(Still working on the close, I may incorporate
the living fossil line into the stanza above)
----------------------------------

Good edit.

[ChristopherSea]

Chris, this feels like it's going in the right direction. Seeing it written down I think I'd go recall over recalled. Okay, let me look at the rest of the lines.

Todd edit 1/version 2.0

I recalled her sun-sluiced silhouette
in dressage atop her chosen thoroughbred,--a instead of her. Cut down on the pronouns wherever you can without sacrificing clarity or tone.
as I navigated abrasive horsetails
and the stampeding memories
of when she corralled me in study hall
with that lengthy kiss which roped me in.

Not quite an Ivory Snow Girl,
her nature had elements of boot leather,--maybe condense had elements of to "was"
all saddle-soaped and snorting tannin.--really nice detail
With a tip of her helm and snap of riding crop,--I think you might need an "a" before riding
she’d flourish ribbons of her equestrian fetish,--crop gives you fetish already maybe conquests instead
deriding my pedestrian trail.
Was I suffering from horse envy?
Neigh, I’d whinny, deluding myself.

Bareback on prom night and 17-hands in heels,
she labored in peach chiffon, legs kicking beneath,
whipping up a bustle of geese and horse-feathers
to wing her off to college in migratory ‘V.’
Was it for Victory, Vaginal supremacy
or some mustang Vacillation
that cantered autumn so abstrusely?

I almost forgot this wild appaloosa,
her heel’s yoke, shank and rowel,
and how I was gelded that Christmas
(no longer her pet stable boy).
Memories virtually archeological,
except for wondering why I paused,
decades later, in that field of equisetum,
a scouring-grass that once ruled
the Paleozoic forest undergrowth,
yet today is the sole survivor
of its genus.

Though riddled with old nagging
memories and half-truths of horse-tales,
I found the rasping siliceous fingers
comforting now as I sat among them
and understood what it is like
to be a living fossil.


Todd edit 1/version 2.0 Thank you!
(Still working on the close, I may incorporate
the living fossil line into the stanza above)
----------------------------------

Good edit.

and I like those other suggestions, I'll re-edit, accordingly.

Looking at 'her nature was of bootleather' I found it very funny. It could work, I'll look at it again.