An epic run

[jdguyb]

Running so free I feel the breeze pass through my hair.
The wind makes it feel so real and fluid as the time passes.
The sweat dripping from my forehead reminds me of,
the effort I put through to fly forward on the roadside.

Tiredness sets in as a villain I must conquer swiftly.
Don't walk! Keep the pace and run run run fast or
the time running will be a waste by the roadside.
Don't let the darkness taint you and take away
all of your control, don't let it make you walk.

I see my foe Lucifer, the dark lord, the prince
of hate and malice. He tries to take control of me.
He wants me to walk and make the work a waste,
a waste of time, what good is walking when
the wind in my hair feels so good, by the roadside.

My run is over. I defeated the dark lord and
next time I run I know he will appear again,
but I will be ready with the wind going through my hair
by the roadside I conquer all foes swiftly

please give me some feedback, I need a lot of help with this poetry knack. I know I'm not good at it but I'm trying. With his poem I actually tried using a meter

[Bunx]

Jd, good try! I feel as if your shift in tone occurs at S3. As far as meter goes I think your on the money. I like the change in tone because the narrator of the poem reveals his secret to conquering his epic run.

"I see my foe Lucifer, the dark lord, the prince
of hate and malice. He tries to take control of me.
He wants me to walk and make the work a waste,
a waste of time, what good is walking when
the wind in my hair feels so good, by the roadside."

You need a question mark at the end of this stanza. There is a few missing pieces of punctuation as well, for example a period at the end of your poem.

As far as your emotional effect the poem had on me, it reminding me of running by my fathers cabin and discovering my duel sided conscience. The poem made me think, is running right? i like walking more .