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south wind fireworks
thunderheads move like dragons
river frogs croak rain
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south wind fireworks
thunderheads move like dragons
river frogs and rain
PS. If you can, try your hand at giving some of the others a bit of feedback. If you already have, thanks, can you do some more?
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the storm is perfectly set
is croak needed? or is river frogs and rain enough.
just an option as the last line does work
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Croak might be expendable.
Are you suggesting something like
rver frogs, rain ?
PS. If you can, try your hand at giving some of the others a bit of feedback. If you already have, thanks, can you do some more?
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or
river frogs and rain.
while words like and are frowned on so is punctuation ( it's what i've read but i'm sure neither is written in stone and there must be exceptions)
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Ok, edit is up. I'm liking the original, but gonna leave both versions and let it sit a bit.
PS. If you can, try your hand at giving some of the others a bit of feedback. If you already have, thanks, can you do some more?
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that's actually a good way to go. i prefer the latter of course
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I think the last version has a better flow!
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Thank you, soonforgotten.
PS. If you can, try your hand at giving some of the others a bit of feedback. If you already have, thanks, can you do some more?
